To my dear friend. I didn't know if it was okay to name you. May you find a bra that can support you through this pregnancy.
Once upon there was a wonderful pregnant friend of mine. She had waited a very long time for this baby and she was so happy for this. There was only one problem. She was only three months along and her boobs were HUGE! She had outgrown the biggest bra she could find (for she was a tiny girl with big boobs) and she knew it was just going to get worse.
One night I went out with my friend and I excused myself to use the restroom. I was washing my hands when I heard the toilet flush and out walked one of my friend's breasts! I was shocked and not sure if I'd really seen what I thought I'd seen. I went back to where my friend was standing and told her I ran into her breast in the restroom.
"Oh I know! They've gotten so big I was just telling some friends that they each have their own job and have separate breakfasts."
I was shocked! I'd never heard of this before.
A month later I was out at a bar with some friends. One of them commented on the boob in the corner. Thinking it was some drunk fool, I leaned to my left to get a better view. It was my friend's breast doing shots with some slimey looking guy! It had grown quite a bit since I'd last seen it. I shook my head and thought of my poor friend and having to deal with the constant growth of her breasts.
As the pregnancy went on, the breasts got bigger and more rambunctious. I started hearing rumors about town of her breasts hanging out at all the hot spots, dancing on tables, grinding on boys who had girlfriends, and starting bad catch phrases. They became Seattle's version of the Hilton sisters. They started showing up regularly in the weekly paper as The Drunk of the Week.
Further into the pregnancy it got worse. My friend called me crying one night saying she hadn't seen her breasts in days. She said the last she'd heard, her husband said they'd egged her neighbor's car and stolen a Vespa. I agreed to help her find her breasts. I enlisted the help of my other friend Chad who'd witnessed the two tits terrorizing the town. We drove around searching for the breast friends and finally Chad thought he glimpsed one in an alley. We parked the car, got out and walked to where he thought he'd seen them.
There in the alley were her breasts. One was vomiting milk beside a dumpster, the other crying because it's nipple was stuck in a sewer grate. Chad and I helped them out of the alley, gave them our coats and led them to the car where we drove them home to their rightful owner.
We all sat in my friends living room that night and had an intervention with the two tits. We laughed, we cried, we drank tea. And at the end of the night, the two enormous breasts climbed back on board my friend and lived happily ever after.
