So, today I checked my email on the psuedo evil M.S. and I get this message in my in-box from some guy. No title, just his picture, which I can't see too well. I open up the message and here's what it says:
come fuck my cock~ 206-853-****
Are you fucking kidding me? Did someone really send this to me??? I'm thinking it's a joke and I must know this person, so I click on his picture. The only info is he's 28 and in Kirkland. He's not looking familiar and so I click on PICS to see if I might see something that I recognize, but lo and behold it's pics of his boner!!! There's even one of him jacking off and cumming! I'm talking big ol' wad of jizz flying through the air. I gasp!
Now, for a brief moment I wondered, "Is this a gift from the Gods of Celibacy?" I always say that the universe provides you with what you need when you need it. So, is the universe telling me that I need dick? No, no, no. Not like that. No, I'm not that sleazy or hard up. But what strange timing...
I keep reading the message and looking at the cock shots in absolute disbelief. I consider myself a very open-minded, liberal person who is not easily offended or embarrassed. However, something strange and new arose in me upon seeing this and being beckoned to "Come fuck his cock". I got pissed. So, like the old fart that I swore I'd never become, I reported the bastard. I laughed the whole time realizing that I have become the snitch and not the offender. It was truly ridiculous what I wrote:
"Dear Sir or Madam.
I opened my email and thought I knew who this person was, but they asked me to fuck their cock and left their phone number. I still wondered if I knew them and it might be a joke, so I went to their pictures and found pictures of his erections and cum. I am laughing as I write this, as I think it's ridiculous and kinda funny. However, there are kids on here and I think the pictures should be removed.
Thank you.
Heather"
They were gone within 30 minutes.
I told my coworker who was still at the office about it, and she wanted to call the number. We put ourselves on speaker phone, muted it, did *67 and dialed the pervert. The phone rang three times and someone picked up and then it was just silence. We sat there giving each other gross out faces and then they hung up.
"Ewwwww. Ewwwwww. Ewwwwww!" I shouted waving my arms in disgust.
"It totally sounded like someone was just listening," said my friend/coworker.
It was super creepy. Either way, I'm encouraging all of you to prank his ass. I'm going to fuck WITH you and not fuck your cock like you asked, you asshole.
And if YOU want to fuck him, his dick isn't so bad. Hahahaha!
With love and newfound prudishness,
Heather
