Do ever wonder what ingredients make up your happiness? Every person has their own recipe, but are there certain things that are staples to each person?
I want love, monogamy, a trusting and loyal relationship, new adventures, laughter every day, a cozy place to live, a different city, arms around me at night, cold pillows, amazing friends, hopefully a kid at some point, committment without marriage, travel, sunshine whether in the cold or the warmth, music, dancing, wine in the winter, sangria in the summer, financial stability without excess, a job I don't hate, game nights, fires in the winter, swimming in the summer, long hikes, fresh air, crickets chirping me to sleep, and for people to be good to each other and love each other, particularly those in my life and anyone I don't know who is lonely.
I have the great friends and family, the laughter, the mini adventures, the cold pillows, music, dancing (but mainly in the shower), wine, game nights, long hikes (more lately), fresh air, and some people I love in my life that are pretty happy. And isn't it better to have a chunk of this, rather than none of this? Why am I so bent on why I don't have more, particularly the love, the job I don't hate, and a better locale? I don't believe in seeking love, just being receptive to it. The job and the locale...after today I will be hunting down those two.
I just honestly question why it is that what I DO have doesn't seem to be enough? I know I have lots of love and lots of fun and many, many wonderful things in my heart and my life. So why am I so sad?
I keep thinking of the clowns we encountered drinking at the bar we went to for my friend's birthday at the beginning of the month. One of my friends asked one of the clowns why they were all there partying. The clown explained that they had just come back from their clown friend's funeral.
Sean looked at the clown, "You're kidding right?"
The clown looked at Sean with his painted-on grin and frowned, "Does it look like I'm kidding?"
