Oh dear mother of God! I sit here shaking uncontrollably at the terror that I just encountered. I had not intended to write twice tonight, but I cannot believe what has just happened and I must share this with you all in case my heart gives out and anyone's wondering what caused it.
I am watching Last Comic Standing and doing Callanetics (no, not a typo). I'm all good, doing my thang....then it happens. I lift my legs into the air and I see it shooting towards my face. It's a fucking spider!
Now, I am not afraid of spiders typicll. I'll either ignore it, smash it, or knock it down so I can pretend I don't know it exists and wait for it to build it's web elsewhere. The one time they bother me is if they're on me. If they get on me, I will scream, flail and run like the dickens.
So here I am laying on the floor with my legs in the air, with a spider shooting at my face. It happens so quickly that I do not have time to move my head before it hits. I feel it land in my hair and I scream! I jump up faster than you can blink, and scream and shake my head. My ponytail holder flies to the floor, the barettes fly out of the sides of my head and land near the ponytail holder.
Still, the spider has not come out.
I jump around alternating the time of my feet in what can only be described as an impersonation of the "Maniac" dance in Flashdance. And without realizing why, I whip off my t-shirt. Thing is, I'm still doing my "Maniac" dance screaming and running my fingers wildly through my hair. Now my tits are flying braless with all of the other goings on.
Then I see it. It slowly drifts to the floor in what seems to be slow motion. And...
It's a ball of lint.
Okay, but that was one burly ball of lint since I felt it hit my head.
There I stood...topless, shaking, and with quite the insane hairdo.
"Huh," I said out loud. I then put my shirt back on, put my ponytail holder and barettes back in their rightful place and crawl back into this chair to write.
I really need a fucking vacation.
