Dear Victoria's Secret,
Last year for my birthday I received a gift card for your store. I kept setting it aside and/or forgetting I had it. My friend, April and I went shopping today and she reminded me to take the gift card with. I was so excited to finally use it!
Upon entering the store, I was amused to be greeted by a tank top hanging on the wall that read, "My Secret, Pink Garden." Hmmmm. I think I shall start a competing tank top that says, "My Unused, Pink Vagina." For that brilliant moment, and touching saying on the tank top, I thank you.
My friend and I proceed to look around the store and find the free panty that we both get with our special coupon. I then see five panties for $25. I realize I can get these and use my gift card! I'm very excited and start picking out which ones I want. Now, please note that I KNOW I've gained weight since I quit smoking. It's finally starting to come off, but I still have a ways to go, so I have to buy one size up from what I normally wear. The panties look HUGE as I pull my size out of the pile. I look around to see if anyone saw them, and I begin folding each pair in half so they don't look as big.
I then go off to the bras. I could not remember what size I was. A sales girl sees I look confused and I tell her I don't know what size I am as I walk towards the fitting rooms. She then offers to measure me right there in the middle of the fucking store. I thanked her, but said I would just check the bra I was wearing once I got in a dressing room. She once again said she could just measure me right there, and I once again refuse. I check my actual bra size and see it's different from the bra I've brought in. I go back out and get that size. Doesn't fit. I check a bigger cup size, doesn't fit. It takes me four trips back and forth to finally find a bra size that fits. I want to cry that my bra size has increased, just as my panty size has.
I am finally ready to buy my items. April and I go up to the empty counter. April pays for her purchases. I then go and put my folded fat girl panties and new, bigger bra on the counter. Then, to my horror the cashier rings up my panties and then UNFOLDS the panties after each one is rung up. I am not pleased by this. I hear something behind me and see that a line of anorexic women has formed in the last minute or so.
My face was getting hot, and I my mind berated me for my eating habits as the cashier kept unfolding each pair of my big ass panties onto the counter for everyone to see. I glanced around again see more anorexics behind me looking confused. I'm sure that they had never seen so much material in all their lives and thought I was perhaps buying a parachute at Victoria's Secret. I want to yell, "No skinny bitches, this is what it takes to cover my ass, okay?"
I am growing more and more angry as the cashier continues to add to the collage of fat girl undies on the counter. Finally she scans my gift card, coupon, and credit card. She then FOLDS my panties back to where I fucking had them in the first place and wraps them in their famous pink tissue paper and stuffs them into the bag. I wanted to say, "Thank God they fit since they're SO fucking big!" as she handed me the bag and happily chirps, "Have a good day!" I flipped her off in my mind and ranted to April about it on and off for the rest of the day.
Being that you are a women's lingerie store, I would think you would know women. I would hope that you would respect the fact that maybe we don't want our big bras and sail-sized panties shown to every patron in your store. Maybe Victoria needs to be a little MORE secret.
Wishing you fat asses and painful underwear,
Heather McDuffin
The Egg McMuffin
