Well, as many of you know by now I am moving to North Carolina on October 9th. I think I'm kind of in shock about it, but not really. It's funny as I have decided to move there many a time to be closer to family, to be a part of my niece's life, and to be able to afford to buy a place in a few years.
After much back and forth about the decision, and attempting to look for work back there, I decided to just stay in Seattle and figure out a new job and living situation. Five days later I am told there is a job for me if all goes well and I'm interested. That was two weeks ago, and after emails and conversations with the owner of the company, he formally offered me the job today and I accepted. I'm so excited about it! It's going to be a great opportunity and I can't wait to be closer to my mom, sister and niece!
It's strange how it's all worked out. There have been numerous signs to do it. I had said to my mom recently that if I were supposed to move there that the opportunity would drop into my lap, and now it has. Everything since I first learned of the job has just pointed me in that direction. Things are just falling into place so easily.
So here I sit trying to grasp the fact that I am truly leaving Seattle for the third time. I've been thinking about all the signs that have happened and how everything's been right so far. Nothing was on TV at 10 PM so I start flipping the channels and a movie is starting on FX. I'm thinking, okay this is good. I'm watching it and learn it's "Wrong Turn."
I've heard this is one of those cheesy horror films aimed more at teens, but sometimes I enjoy those. I settle in and then it happens. I learn the plot. It's about killer inbreds in North Carolina!!! I am not fucking kidding you. This guy is on his way to frickin' Raleigh and takes a back route due to traffic, runs into other early twenties people wearing little clothing, and now inbreds are hunting them!
Now I'm freaked out. I know that I'm not moving to some backwoods inbred town or anything, but I like to go hiking! What if the inbreds like the trails that I like? Will they try to kill me or mate with me? Or will they befriend me and we can sit on a rock and discuss whether or not a stick can really be used as a toothbrush? Will they try to lick my hiking boots while telling me to squeal like a piggy? Or will they teach me how to create a shelter out of dirty overalls and rabbit pelt?
Ewwww! Ewwww! They are cutting off ears and killing with barbed wire! Oh my god! That's it! If none of you ever hear from me again after I move there, you KNOW it's because an inbred got me while hiking. How can I make this work? How can I hike, but be safe from the inbreds on the trails? I'm thinking maybe if I hike in bubble wrap and carry a taser... Yes, that is sounding good. Or maybe I will carry hummus. Inbreds surely don't like hummus. I will be hiking along in my bubble wrap making way too much noise from it, when all of a sudden a toothless inbred jumps out of the bushes!
Inbred: Hey girlie. I's a gonna eat you fo breakfast! My momma said to bring back some'in good.
Me: (Popping as I reach into my bubble pocket) Maybe you should bring your momma some HUMMUS!
I throw the hummus at the inbred's face!
Inbred: (Clawing at his face) NOT ORGANIC!!!!
Me: Yes, organic!
I reach into my other bubble pocket and pull out the taser and shock his arm.
Me: You can tell your momma/cousin that THAT'S for breakfast, bitch!
I will then run like the wind, bubbles popping as I run down the trail to safety.
And THAT my friends, is how I will survive hiking in North Carolina.
