The Heather Chronicles

I just have to share this real quick. I already emailed some of you about this, but this was a mortifying, life-changing experience. I want my butthole removed...

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Today I had the worst turd experience! So I go in and someone's already finishing up and I accidentally fart twice. Then they leave. I had chili leftovers again today and had the nasty goopy, hard-to-clean poo again. It reeked! So the cleaning woman came in walked to the stall area and turned around as I'm madly wiping and the poo won't go away! So she leaves immediately and then another woman comes in and goes "Woo-wee" and then goes in the stall next to me and starts gagging...I guess from the smell. So I finally finish wiping, go to flush, have to flush twice, and there are two ENORMOUS skid marks in the bowl! I walk out and the cleaning woman is waiting outside to clean the
toilets! I want to die!

Hello again! Welcome back to another edition of The Heather Chronicles! It is Saturday night and I am spending my second weekend in a row at home. No worries, I'm not a social leper or anything, but I am trying to watch my money, my drinking and my smoking. Tonight however, is different. Most of my friends are either at my ex's show, hanging out with their boyfriend/girlfriend, or have plans with all the married couples, which I am not. No biggie, it's been a new experience staying at home.

Though it may seem that nothing exciting can happen while at home, it's all in your perception. And with that, welcome to the home edition of The Heather Chronicles.

And Ry-Ty...I suggest you skip this one.

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Forewarning...I have no idea if any of this will make sense, be funny, be witty, whatever. All I know is that I need to vent and feel as if I am losing my mind. So I'm going to avoid all the yimmer yammer and get right to it.


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Well friends, I just turned 33 on Wednesday and life has already seemed to shift on me. There are many oddities happening that I just can't explain. I believe that some are age related, and some just might be that the vortex of stupidity grows stronger around me each day I breathe.

So with that, we shall explore the Legend of 33. Welcome back to The Heather Chronicles.

Love to all!

Heather McDuffin
The Egg McMuffin

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