YOU BE THE JUDGE
I'm bored, and trying to fall asleep but can't as usual, so let's have a little fun.
Once upon a time there was a girl who wanted to be a mermaid when she grew up. The days went on and the little girl ealized there were no such things as mermaids unless alone in the water with your imagination. She let go of that dream and opened herself up to a new one. As the little girl grew up, her dreams changed. Some were accomplished, but were only temporary. Some were accomplished and still remain. Others were changed before she could reach them. The grown up girl, though still in young in mind, still wanders to this day seeking new paths, new dreams.
Where is her next path? You tell me. Be serious or have fun with it. Whatever you choose.
Post them here so we can all get a kick out of it.
Once upon a time there was a girl who wanted to be a mermaid when she grew up. The days went on and the little girl ealized there were no such things as mermaids unless alone in the water with your imagination. She let go of that dream and opened herself up to a new one. As the little girl grew up, her dreams changed. Some were accomplished, but were only temporary. Some were accomplished and still remain. Others were changed before she could reach them. The grown up girl, though still in young in mind, still wanders to this day seeking new paths, new dreams.
Where is her next path? You tell me. Be serious or have fun with it. Whatever you choose.
Post them here so we can all get a kick out of it.
THE IRON MAN ON THE BACK OF MY BIKE
I'm sitting here listening to a sappy CD, singing along with it and being a big ol' geek. Damned love songs. Notice everything is either "you broke my heart" kind of song or "I love you! I love you!" kind of song? There's rarely anything in between. Okay, I mean there's plenty in the gray area, but not as much as the other two. We sappy people can't help but think of past loves and what's in store for us when we listen to it. And Isaac, if you say one snarky thing about this, I'm going to bust you in the nuts!
It's funny, as a friend of mine and I were emailing each other the day and she was talking about how we always seem to think the grass is always greener on the other side. Those who have love and are in long relationships miss the excitement and newness of something, and those single people...oh wait that would be me...wish we had that nice settled comfort. I mean yes, there are great things about being single. We have no one to answer to or consider in our decisions, we can leave the bathroom door open when we're peeing, we can fart when we want, nothing we do has to revolve around the other's schedule, there's never any having to re-explain what we meant when the other misunderstands why or how you said something, there are no words to take back when you hurt that person, you can wear nasty underwear and not worry about anyone seeing it, you can go out with your friends as much as you want and not worry about neglecting your significant other, and most importantly you can never have your heart broken.
Thing is, I don't consider myself a selfish person anymore, I shut the door when I pee anyways, when I fart no one can gross out or try to one-up me and I say excuse me even when I'm alone, my schedule outside of work can be as flexible as I want it to be, you can be misunderstood by ANYONE and have to explain yourself, I have learned my lesson very harshly not to say things you will regret in the first place to someone you love, I don't want to wear nasty underwear even if I am single, all my friends are couples and if I go out am always the extra anyways so there's always room for more , and you can have your heart broken without being with anyone in the first place.
I had a dream the other night that I was working at some sort of mafia compound...okay actually it was a restaurant, but there were bunkers behind the restaurant. I have no idea what I did there, but I knew I had to keep sneaking off if I ever wanted to do anything. This little evil dog would chase me every time I sneaked out and I ran like the dickens to get out of there every time. One day, I go to meet April and Mark at a theme park. This park was a bit different as all the tracks of the rides were in the water. You were assigned this tandem bicycle looking thing that then hooked to the tracks and took you through each ride. I was super excited and so are April and Mark. So we buy our tickets, go inside and are assigned our bikes. This is where I got pissed. April and Mark are given their normal tandem bike thing and then they ask me how many and I say "one". I am then informed that I am not allowed to go on the same rides they are because I'm alone. I throw a fit and tell him it's bullshit and he just hands me my tandem bike, however in the second seat is this large art deco iron man sculpture. It's frickin' huge, as to announce to the world, "Hello! I'm alone! I'm alone! Look at the freak!" April, Mark and I agree to meet up in between rides and they go off on the twosome rides and I go on the single rides. I'm the only one on the single path and the rides fucking suck! They're broken and warped. It's like being stuck on a malfunctioning version of "Its a Small World" in different variations all day. I keep meeting up with April and Mark and they're talking about how cool their rides are and I'm pissed and ranting about mine suck and how it's discrimination, etc. Then I wake up.
No need to tell me what it means, the meaning just screams at you, doesn't it? Hahahah!
I had written something else and left it for a while, and then decided that was no way to end this. Know I'm not whining when I speak of all this, but am just thinking out loud. I don't know if it's the chilly, rainy winter or that this is the longest I've been alone and I'm tunring into that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine goes without sex and get stupid and finds herself standing in front of the spinning tire display clapping and laughing. I am just wondering what lies in store and if things will change when I allow myself to go back out there. Terrifying, but curious and looking forward to having that middle part of a relationship again someday.
I guess I'm just really learning that if we aren't heartfelt in what we have, it's time to change things. Granted, I have this stupid promise to myself and can't change certain things, but I'm so glad I've done what I've done. I have learned to truly, truly be alone and have fun and laugh and cry, and only have myself and those I open up to, to rely on. I know I would rather be alone than settle for something I don't want, love and appreciate. I know that I will not let the idea of love cloud me as opposed to the man I fall in love with. I know that life will go on and I'm sure I will love again, but for now I'm going to enjoy the ride and wait for the next curve in the tracks. Just because my single path at the amusement park was warped and distorted it doesn't mean there wasn't more in store. I woke up before I finished and have no idea what the next ride was going to be. Maybe the rides got better later or maybe two paths connected eventually.
I think I'll go see how many peas I can shove in my mouth, as my schedule is permitting it. Or maybe I'll go pee with the door open. ;0)
Love to all!
Heather
It's funny, as a friend of mine and I were emailing each other the day and she was talking about how we always seem to think the grass is always greener on the other side. Those who have love and are in long relationships miss the excitement and newness of something, and those single people...oh wait that would be me...wish we had that nice settled comfort. I mean yes, there are great things about being single. We have no one to answer to or consider in our decisions, we can leave the bathroom door open when we're peeing, we can fart when we want, nothing we do has to revolve around the other's schedule, there's never any having to re-explain what we meant when the other misunderstands why or how you said something, there are no words to take back when you hurt that person, you can wear nasty underwear and not worry about anyone seeing it, you can go out with your friends as much as you want and not worry about neglecting your significant other, and most importantly you can never have your heart broken.
Thing is, I don't consider myself a selfish person anymore, I shut the door when I pee anyways, when I fart no one can gross out or try to one-up me and I say excuse me even when I'm alone, my schedule outside of work can be as flexible as I want it to be, you can be misunderstood by ANYONE and have to explain yourself, I have learned my lesson very harshly not to say things you will regret in the first place to someone you love, I don't want to wear nasty underwear even if I am single, all my friends are couples and if I go out am always the extra anyways so there's always room for more , and you can have your heart broken without being with anyone in the first place.
I had a dream the other night that I was working at some sort of mafia compound...okay actually it was a restaurant, but there were bunkers behind the restaurant. I have no idea what I did there, but I knew I had to keep sneaking off if I ever wanted to do anything. This little evil dog would chase me every time I sneaked out and I ran like the dickens to get out of there every time. One day, I go to meet April and Mark at a theme park. This park was a bit different as all the tracks of the rides were in the water. You were assigned this tandem bicycle looking thing that then hooked to the tracks and took you through each ride. I was super excited and so are April and Mark. So we buy our tickets, go inside and are assigned our bikes. This is where I got pissed. April and Mark are given their normal tandem bike thing and then they ask me how many and I say "one". I am then informed that I am not allowed to go on the same rides they are because I'm alone. I throw a fit and tell him it's bullshit and he just hands me my tandem bike, however in the second seat is this large art deco iron man sculpture. It's frickin' huge, as to announce to the world, "Hello! I'm alone! I'm alone! Look at the freak!" April, Mark and I agree to meet up in between rides and they go off on the twosome rides and I go on the single rides. I'm the only one on the single path and the rides fucking suck! They're broken and warped. It's like being stuck on a malfunctioning version of "Its a Small World" in different variations all day. I keep meeting up with April and Mark and they're talking about how cool their rides are and I'm pissed and ranting about mine suck and how it's discrimination, etc. Then I wake up.
No need to tell me what it means, the meaning just screams at you, doesn't it? Hahahah!
I had written something else and left it for a while, and then decided that was no way to end this. Know I'm not whining when I speak of all this, but am just thinking out loud. I don't know if it's the chilly, rainy winter or that this is the longest I've been alone and I'm tunring into that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine goes without sex and get stupid and finds herself standing in front of the spinning tire display clapping and laughing. I am just wondering what lies in store and if things will change when I allow myself to go back out there. Terrifying, but curious and looking forward to having that middle part of a relationship again someday.
I guess I'm just really learning that if we aren't heartfelt in what we have, it's time to change things. Granted, I have this stupid promise to myself and can't change certain things, but I'm so glad I've done what I've done. I have learned to truly, truly be alone and have fun and laugh and cry, and only have myself and those I open up to, to rely on. I know I would rather be alone than settle for something I don't want, love and appreciate. I know that I will not let the idea of love cloud me as opposed to the man I fall in love with. I know that life will go on and I'm sure I will love again, but for now I'm going to enjoy the ride and wait for the next curve in the tracks. Just because my single path at the amusement park was warped and distorted it doesn't mean there wasn't more in store. I woke up before I finished and have no idea what the next ride was going to be. Maybe the rides got better later or maybe two paths connected eventually.
I think I'll go see how many peas I can shove in my mouth, as my schedule is permitting it. Or maybe I'll go pee with the door open. ;0)
Love to all!
Heather
TOWELS AREN'T MEANT FOR TORTURE
I was really missing being with my family yesterday and was getting all nostalgic for them. I talked to all of them on the phone throughout the day, which was nice, but it wasn't the same. I love them all very much and...well, I was thinking about my mom and thought that maybe if you knew her, you'd understand why I miss her so much.
So with that, I give you my mother....
P.S. Mom, please don't kill me for this! I love you!
Read More
So with that, I give you my mother....
P.S. Mom, please don't kill me for this! I love you!
Read More
CAN WE GET A TISSUE FOR THE WOMAN?
And, it's gone. Christmas is not in my heart today. Kaput. Instead I am a heap of emotions, not only from today, but from this month, this year, this lifetime. Now granted, I am having my monthly week of hell and cry at the drop of a hat. Today I have cried about not having Christmas this year, bawled during and after seeing King Kong, and cried over accidentally stepping on and squishing a baby slug. What the hell? I hate slugs, but still, it made me sad. I have cried for what I have and what I don't. I hate this. I hate being emotional. I hate that I am writing this on my damned blog! And please, no one needs to email me after reading it to see if I am okay, as often happens. I will always be okay, but I just need to vent right now.
I feel restless and hungry to live more. I want to play outside, but it is always raining! I want to run away where no one knows who I am, where I can be invisible when I want and then show myself when the desire to do so arises. I want to see the world. I want to roll in the mud (this is an unusual craving that keeps coming up lately). I want to swim in the ocean, then come out and smell the humid air and the flowers. I want to laugh my ass off (I do often, but want to more). I want love again. I want to stop being afraid of my heart hurting.
Now don't get me wrong. I have a very full life in the sense of being surrounded by lots of love from friends and family. I have the necessities of shelter, food and water. I have all my limbs, all my senses, and a good heart. I have the basic necessities that some don't have and I try to remember this when I get down. But I still want more. I want my heart to stay full. I want to write, write, write. I want to wake up next to someone I love and see their eyes every morning when I wake up. I want to appreciate what I have and continue to always be open, to grab the moment. It just seems that the things I'm open to aren't necessarily there waiting for me. I honestly believe that the universe takes us to where we're supposed to be, but I'm wondering if it's on a commercial break right now.
I'm so grateful for what I have, but when I close my eyes I see and feel this other path in front of me. Then I open my eyes and I wonder where that path starts?
Okay, tearing up again. You know what pisses me off? They make everything to get you through your period...tampons, midol, water retention pills, chocolate, etc., yet there is nothing for the tears except for a lousy box of Kleenex. Can someone please fix that? I'd really, really appreciate it, as then I would not be this raging hormone venting to the world.
There is so much more I want to say, but don't think I should. I shall go for now and stop my bitching. I think I'm going to go close my eyes and try to find the start of that path.
Much love to everyone,
Heather
I feel restless and hungry to live more. I want to play outside, but it is always raining! I want to run away where no one knows who I am, where I can be invisible when I want and then show myself when the desire to do so arises. I want to see the world. I want to roll in the mud (this is an unusual craving that keeps coming up lately). I want to swim in the ocean, then come out and smell the humid air and the flowers. I want to laugh my ass off (I do often, but want to more). I want love again. I want to stop being afraid of my heart hurting.
Now don't get me wrong. I have a very full life in the sense of being surrounded by lots of love from friends and family. I have the necessities of shelter, food and water. I have all my limbs, all my senses, and a good heart. I have the basic necessities that some don't have and I try to remember this when I get down. But I still want more. I want my heart to stay full. I want to write, write, write. I want to wake up next to someone I love and see their eyes every morning when I wake up. I want to appreciate what I have and continue to always be open, to grab the moment. It just seems that the things I'm open to aren't necessarily there waiting for me. I honestly believe that the universe takes us to where we're supposed to be, but I'm wondering if it's on a commercial break right now.
I'm so grateful for what I have, but when I close my eyes I see and feel this other path in front of me. Then I open my eyes and I wonder where that path starts?
Okay, tearing up again. You know what pisses me off? They make everything to get you through your period...tampons, midol, water retention pills, chocolate, etc., yet there is nothing for the tears except for a lousy box of Kleenex. Can someone please fix that? I'd really, really appreciate it, as then I would not be this raging hormone venting to the world.
There is so much more I want to say, but don't think I should. I shall go for now and stop my bitching. I think I'm going to go close my eyes and try to find the start of that path.
Much love to everyone,
Heather
MAGIC SNOW HEALS ALL WOUNDS
It has finally happened!
Despite the fact that I had holiday events on Thursday and Friday, I was stuck in Grinch mode about the holidays, as this will be the first Christmas in years not spent with all of my family. I had a lovely time with friends both nights, but just have not been in the Christmas spirit. Of course, my fucking festive period returned from Thanksgiving and started up at the white elephant gift exchange on Friday night. This led me to spending most of my Saturday in bed in agony from cramps. This dampened my spirits even more. "Fuck Christmas. Fuck my period. Fuck everything," I thought all day today.
Then I go over to hang out with Terri, Joe and Alex tonight. They make a nice dinner as usual and we play Go Fish and Sorry. I'm having fun, but still no Christmas spirit. They then present me with a gift and though that isn't a necessity, it is the only present I have this year and it almost made me cry. Then it comes to 10:30 PM, and Alex is going to write his letter to Santa before he goes to bed. However, a cut on his ankle from ice skating has mysteriously flared up before bedtime causing him agony and a bout of over-dramatization. He is carried out into the chair next to the table we are sitting at and he is whimpering that he is in too much pain to write to Santa. I offer to do so and the following is what was written (Alex's words are in quotes, and I have a copy of these letters sitting right next to me, so they are written verbatim):
Dear Santa,
Alex really wanted to write this personally, but in the spirit of Christmas, he went ice skating and tragically injured his ankle, therefore I am transcribing for our wounded Christmas soldier.
"Thank you Santa, for delivering presents to all the kids in the world. I hope you like our cookies and hot chocolate...I'm sorry. It's so hard to think when I'm in so much pain. Merry Christmas! I hope you like this note.
Love,
Alex
P.S. Write me back"
P.S.S. Please heal Alex's ankle - Auntie Heather
As I am writing this the kid has his arm on his forehead and his small bandaided ankle peaking out of the blankets he is covered in, and we are all trying not to laugh as he is telling me what to write. So Alex goes to bed and Terri asks if I can answer the two questions that he has left for Santa on a second piece of paper since he doesn't recognize my handwriting. This makes me even happier, as I get to play Santa of sorts. I agree to do so. The following are Alex's questions to Santa, and my...er, Santa's answers:
"Santa, do you have a crush?
I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A CRUSH ON MRS. CLAUS. SHE HAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE.
Who's your favorite kid to give presents to?
I LOVE ALL CHILDREN, BUT I HAVE GREATLY ENJOYED YOUR COOKIES, MILK AND THE LETTERS YOU HAVE WRITTEN ME OVER THE YEARS. MRS. CLAUS HAS KEPT THE LETTERS IN A BOX FOR ME AT THE NORTH POLE. MERRY CHRISTMAS ALEX! LOVE, SANTA
From,
Alex
P.S. SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR ANKLE INJURY. WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING, I PUT MAGIC SNOW ON YOUR ANKLE AND YOU SHOULD FEEL FINE NOW MY CHRISTMAS SOLDIER."
Christmas is now in my heart folks! It just took a little bit of Santa to bring it back.
Merry Christmas everyone. I hope your heart is full of laughter and Christmas spirit!
Love,
Heather
Despite the fact that I had holiday events on Thursday and Friday, I was stuck in Grinch mode about the holidays, as this will be the first Christmas in years not spent with all of my family. I had a lovely time with friends both nights, but just have not been in the Christmas spirit. Of course, my fucking festive period returned from Thanksgiving and started up at the white elephant gift exchange on Friday night. This led me to spending most of my Saturday in bed in agony from cramps. This dampened my spirits even more. "Fuck Christmas. Fuck my period. Fuck everything," I thought all day today.
Then I go over to hang out with Terri, Joe and Alex tonight. They make a nice dinner as usual and we play Go Fish and Sorry. I'm having fun, but still no Christmas spirit. They then present me with a gift and though that isn't a necessity, it is the only present I have this year and it almost made me cry. Then it comes to 10:30 PM, and Alex is going to write his letter to Santa before he goes to bed. However, a cut on his ankle from ice skating has mysteriously flared up before bedtime causing him agony and a bout of over-dramatization. He is carried out into the chair next to the table we are sitting at and he is whimpering that he is in too much pain to write to Santa. I offer to do so and the following is what was written (Alex's words are in quotes, and I have a copy of these letters sitting right next to me, so they are written verbatim):
Dear Santa,
Alex really wanted to write this personally, but in the spirit of Christmas, he went ice skating and tragically injured his ankle, therefore I am transcribing for our wounded Christmas soldier.
"Thank you Santa, for delivering presents to all the kids in the world. I hope you like our cookies and hot chocolate...I'm sorry. It's so hard to think when I'm in so much pain. Merry Christmas! I hope you like this note.
Love,
Alex
P.S. Write me back"
P.S.S. Please heal Alex's ankle - Auntie Heather
As I am writing this the kid has his arm on his forehead and his small bandaided ankle peaking out of the blankets he is covered in, and we are all trying not to laugh as he is telling me what to write. So Alex goes to bed and Terri asks if I can answer the two questions that he has left for Santa on a second piece of paper since he doesn't recognize my handwriting. This makes me even happier, as I get to play Santa of sorts. I agree to do so. The following are Alex's questions to Santa, and my...er, Santa's answers:
"Santa, do you have a crush?
I HAVE ALWAYS HAD A CRUSH ON MRS. CLAUS. SHE HAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE.
Who's your favorite kid to give presents to?
I LOVE ALL CHILDREN, BUT I HAVE GREATLY ENJOYED YOUR COOKIES, MILK AND THE LETTERS YOU HAVE WRITTEN ME OVER THE YEARS. MRS. CLAUS HAS KEPT THE LETTERS IN A BOX FOR ME AT THE NORTH POLE. MERRY CHRISTMAS ALEX! LOVE, SANTA
From,
Alex
P.S. SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR ANKLE INJURY. WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING, I PUT MAGIC SNOW ON YOUR ANKLE AND YOU SHOULD FEEL FINE NOW MY CHRISTMAS SOLDIER."
Christmas is now in my heart folks! It just took a little bit of Santa to bring it back.
Merry Christmas everyone. I hope your heart is full of laughter and Christmas spirit!
Love,
Heather
