THE YEAR OF GOOD-BYE
It's amazing how life can change in the blink of an eye. One moment life seems to somewhat make sense, and then all of a sudden your world is turned upside down. My morning started out just fine and then within a few hours everything changed. I'm so shocked and scared and pissed at myself, but all I can do is deal with it and move forward. Thing is, I don't want to just "live with it". It's time to make changes. It's time to grab the world by it's wooly testicles and give it a shake and take the lead. I'm done. I'm so fucking done I can't tell you how done I am.
I'm done with sitting in what I'm not content with. I'm done saying someday. I'm done listening to the relentless bullshit of people who can't even take care of their own lives, but choose to hurt others. I'm done wishing for love. I'm done living in gray and rain in the land of scenesters and Eddie Bauer zombies. I'm done dreaming of certain things. It's time to make the changes I know need to be made in all aspsects of my life. It's time to run to something as opposed to running away from something. It's time to know myself enough to know when people are good and when people are just selfish in a negative way. It's time to appreciate the different kinds of love my life is SO full of and let that fulfill me enough until true love finds me once again. It's time to play in the sun and swim in the warm waters. It's time to still daydream, but live the dreams that I can touch.
Funny how much I love New Year's Eve. The renewal of life I always feel with that holiday is so prevalent, yet the really heavy shit often hits my life within the first three months of the year. I guess the universe wants to throw all the dirt at me at the beginning so I have the rest of the year to clean the shit up, learn, grow, and then next year go, "Haha! My broom is ready for you, bitch!"
With all this I introduce you to The Year of Good-Bye. I have decided that I will spend this year taking care of my new situation, and saving money and looking into where I want to go. 2006 will be the year I say good-bye to the old parts of me that need to be laid to rest, and make room for the parts of me that have been clawing their way to the surface for quite some time. It's the year for me to open the door, feel the sun on my face, take the lessons I've learned and the dreams I've had, and step onto that path I've been observing, but have yet to tread. 2007 will then be when everything from this year comes together and the path is tread.
It's time for this new and different life I have to take on, to take a new twist. It's time to board the ride.
Love to all,
Heather McDuffin
The Egg McMuffin.
I'm done with sitting in what I'm not content with. I'm done saying someday. I'm done listening to the relentless bullshit of people who can't even take care of their own lives, but choose to hurt others. I'm done wishing for love. I'm done living in gray and rain in the land of scenesters and Eddie Bauer zombies. I'm done dreaming of certain things. It's time to make the changes I know need to be made in all aspsects of my life. It's time to run to something as opposed to running away from something. It's time to know myself enough to know when people are good and when people are just selfish in a negative way. It's time to appreciate the different kinds of love my life is SO full of and let that fulfill me enough until true love finds me once again. It's time to play in the sun and swim in the warm waters. It's time to still daydream, but live the dreams that I can touch.
Funny how much I love New Year's Eve. The renewal of life I always feel with that holiday is so prevalent, yet the really heavy shit often hits my life within the first three months of the year. I guess the universe wants to throw all the dirt at me at the beginning so I have the rest of the year to clean the shit up, learn, grow, and then next year go, "Haha! My broom is ready for you, bitch!"
With all this I introduce you to The Year of Good-Bye. I have decided that I will spend this year taking care of my new situation, and saving money and looking into where I want to go. 2006 will be the year I say good-bye to the old parts of me that need to be laid to rest, and make room for the parts of me that have been clawing their way to the surface for quite some time. It's the year for me to open the door, feel the sun on my face, take the lessons I've learned and the dreams I've had, and step onto that path I've been observing, but have yet to tread. 2007 will then be when everything from this year comes together and the path is tread.
It's time for this new and different life I have to take on, to take a new twist. It's time to board the ride.
Love to all,
Heather McDuffin
The Egg McMuffin.
CONTRADICTION WALKING
And the roller coaster flies around the first loop....
Why is it that whenever we feel strong in our convictions, life throws us a curve to challenge it? I am strong in that I do not need a man to complete me, yet I cringe when I crawl into my big, empty bed. I know what kind of man I want to be with, yet the ones I connect with lately are taken. I say there are things that I would never do and I find myself walking a thin line between right and wrong. I want to see the world and run around and laugh and feel the sun on my face, yet there is no one to share it with.
I've become everything I hate. I'm afraid I've become in love with the idea of love.
Now trust me, I KNOW love doesn't solve all the answers. Love does not complete one's life. Love is tragic and can hurt like hell, trap people, and let them live a life unfulfilled when they aren't being honest with themselves or with each other. Love and life are a roller coaster and need faith and maintenance to keep it going. Love can stop life, but it can also create or renew it. True, mutual love does however enhance what you already have. It creates that comfort of standing still with someone. It makes you feel invincible and unable to stop smiling. And all those cheesey love songs make sense.
I have always prided myself on not being in love with love, but being in love with the man. As I look back through my sometimes torrid, sometimes beautiful life, I wonder how honest I've been with myself though. I'm always falling for someone it seems. Maybe that is what I'm missing so much in this year of absolute chastity and abstinance...someone to fall for, someone to think I'm in love with, someone to dream of.
Heather
Why is it that whenever we feel strong in our convictions, life throws us a curve to challenge it? I am strong in that I do not need a man to complete me, yet I cringe when I crawl into my big, empty bed. I know what kind of man I want to be with, yet the ones I connect with lately are taken. I say there are things that I would never do and I find myself walking a thin line between right and wrong. I want to see the world and run around and laugh and feel the sun on my face, yet there is no one to share it with.
I've become everything I hate. I'm afraid I've become in love with the idea of love.
Now trust me, I KNOW love doesn't solve all the answers. Love does not complete one's life. Love is tragic and can hurt like hell, trap people, and let them live a life unfulfilled when they aren't being honest with themselves or with each other. Love and life are a roller coaster and need faith and maintenance to keep it going. Love can stop life, but it can also create or renew it. True, mutual love does however enhance what you already have. It creates that comfort of standing still with someone. It makes you feel invincible and unable to stop smiling. And all those cheesey love songs make sense.
I have always prided myself on not being in love with love, but being in love with the man. As I look back through my sometimes torrid, sometimes beautiful life, I wonder how honest I've been with myself though. I'm always falling for someone it seems. Maybe that is what I'm missing so much in this year of absolute chastity and abstinance...someone to fall for, someone to think I'm in love with, someone to dream of.
Heather
BRIDES, BALLS & POTENTIAL BANGING
Here I sit Monday night mourning the loss of this weekend. So much has happened. Great conversations, good food, bridal shows, reunions, good music, good friends, tourette's flared up and SEATTLE IS GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!!!! Holy shit what an amazing weekend! And with that, we'll get to story time.
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DEAR DUMBASS
Culprit: Silver Honda CRV
Dear Dumbass Bitch in this Vehicle:
I wanted to thank you for being possibly one the worst drivers I've ever encountered. I'm so grateful to have been stuck behind you from the time I got my coffee, until you exited at Microsoft. I would like to encourage you to take a corner at more than two miles an hour for one. Secondly, I would like to remind you that you CAN take a right on a red light when there is not a car in sight. That is why five cars were viciously honking at you behind me. Really, you ask? Yes sweetie, I know it's a shock and had you not been brushing your hair or touching up your perfect makeup during drivers ed, you may have caught on to that. And also, I know that once you actually turned right when the light turned green some time later, you were apparently scared of the...what barrier? shoulder? divider line? I'm not sure which it was, but there was little need to keep slamming on your breaks. It's just paint on the road and it won't hurt you.
Also, can I suggest you remove the USC Alumni sticker? I wouldn't drive around like that claiming to be college educated, or perhaps you just blew some frat boy there and got confused with the fact that "blowing" there was different than "going" there. I know you've only had your license for what, six years now? You looked about twenty-two, but I would either like to offer to pay for you to go through drivers ed again, or I would gladly buy you a nice special ed helmet so that all of us who know what they're doing can be forewarned that you are on the road. Please let me know which you would prefer and I will expedite the decision promptly!
Thank you for your time and for reminding me to leave the house a little earlier each day to avoid you.
Heather
Dear Dumbass Bitch in this Vehicle:
I wanted to thank you for being possibly one the worst drivers I've ever encountered. I'm so grateful to have been stuck behind you from the time I got my coffee, until you exited at Microsoft. I would like to encourage you to take a corner at more than two miles an hour for one. Secondly, I would like to remind you that you CAN take a right on a red light when there is not a car in sight. That is why five cars were viciously honking at you behind me. Really, you ask? Yes sweetie, I know it's a shock and had you not been brushing your hair or touching up your perfect makeup during drivers ed, you may have caught on to that. And also, I know that once you actually turned right when the light turned green some time later, you were apparently scared of the...what barrier? shoulder? divider line? I'm not sure which it was, but there was little need to keep slamming on your breaks. It's just paint on the road and it won't hurt you.
Also, can I suggest you remove the USC Alumni sticker? I wouldn't drive around like that claiming to be college educated, or perhaps you just blew some frat boy there and got confused with the fact that "blowing" there was different than "going" there. I know you've only had your license for what, six years now? You looked about twenty-two, but I would either like to offer to pay for you to go through drivers ed again, or I would gladly buy you a nice special ed helmet so that all of us who know what they're doing can be forewarned that you are on the road. Please let me know which you would prefer and I will expedite the decision promptly!
Thank you for your time and for reminding me to leave the house a little earlier each day to avoid you.
Heather
MY BEAVIS & BUTTHEAD MOMENT
Hahaha! I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't stop laughing my ass off tonight, and it's all over a map of Lake Tititcaca. I will calm down and then I think of it again and I lean over my chair and put my damned hand on the floor and laugh and laugh and laugh.
I told my friend tonight that it's this breeding of two totally 12-year old words and I think this is the funniest thing ever!
Oh, and I'm watching the Golden Globes and am so happy about them, and I just have to say that I would reconsider marriage for Joaquin Phoenix. Hahahaha! We can get married in Lake Titicaca and he can have my titties and than he can go caca.
Oh God, I need to grow up.
I told my friend tonight that it's this breeding of two totally 12-year old words and I think this is the funniest thing ever!
Oh, and I'm watching the Golden Globes and am so happy about them, and I just have to say that I would reconsider marriage for Joaquin Phoenix. Hahahaha! We can get married in Lake Titicaca and he can have my titties and than he can go caca.
Oh God, I need to grow up.
