The Heather Chronicles

Does anyone remember that really old Tootsie Roll commercial from the 70's?

The world looks mighty good to me
Cuz tootsie rolls are ALL I see.
Whatever it is I think I see
Becomes a tootsie roll to me.

Tootsie roll something something chocolate chew.
Tootsie roll I think I'm in love with you.

Whatever it is I think I see
Becomes a tootsie roll to me!

This song would play as everything from trees to smoke stacks turned into tootsie rolls.

It will be a year of no kissing, groping, sex or naughty bits of any sort, in 19 days, 2 hours and 29...ooop 28 minutes. Can anyone guess where I'm going with this?

The world looks might sad to me,
Cuz dick and balls are ALL I see.
Whatever it is I think I see,
Becomes a cock and sack to me!

Hey there boy, I bet you're full of goo,
Give me two minutes and I'll hump on you.

Whatever it is I think I see
Becomes a dick and nuts to me!

I know this abstinence of ALL...yes, I said ALL...things boy and sexual in nature, was my choice to try to get my priorities straight, but I think I've lost my mind. Or was I possibly insane to begin with?

I came this (I'm creating a space the size of a thimble between my index finger and my thumb) close to humping the arm of my chair today.

Is there a coo serenity prayer?

-Heather

What is happening lately? I can’t help but think that everything that has happened in the last month is building up to something terrifying, or possibly amazing. Bad things that are happening at work may end up being a very positive thing for me in certain respects. Not sure, but the door to what I’m looking for might have just creaked open a bit.

So much has changed in my life in the last three weeks and there are certain good things that I am doing to handle the situation, but I also see myself being destructive in other ways. I’m not handling things well internally and need to change that. My health has changed, my body has changed, my job has changed, and I think I’m having a meltdown.

I’m having numerous moments of feeling something huge in progress. I fell asleep watching TV tonight and woke up with my heart pounding and the strangest feeling. This keeps happening to me, particularly this week. Is it the weight of all that has happened? The stress? The unanswered questions? Or am I just in tune to the changes happening in my universe? Can I feel my life changing? Can I feel the wheels churning? Can I feel the doors of possibilities shifting and calling me to pick this or that like the old Choose Your Own Mystery books? Thing is I always cheated and read the options at the end so I’d get the best one. I can’t do that here.

Will whatever all this is leading to be good and the life I want fall into my lap? Or will it be bad and things will once again seem to crumble a bit more? And if it is bad, can I find the strength to walk through it and find the good within what I’ve been presented? I don't get it. There has to be a greater purpose for all this. I survived what happened a year and a half ago, and I can't believe that didn't happen for a reason. I can't believe life came back to have everything stripped once again.

I’m not sure what is happening, I just feel it. I feel the changes with every ounce of my soul and I’m terrified, yet intrigued. Where will the mystery lead me? Not sure, but this time I’m not going to cheat and jump to the end. I’m going to buckle up and prepare for the ride there, hoping I make it in one piece.

Please fasten your seatbelts.

Love to all,
Heather

I would love to move far from here and plan to do so. I hate how expensive it is to live here and for what? Shitty weather, bad traffic, yuppie bars & restaurants taking over, a combination of pretentious people and snooty scenesters? No thank you. However there are times when I look around and go, this is why I live here.

I hung out with Terri, Joe and Alex last night and played Trivial Pursuit. Crashed on their couch pretty early and woke up around 6:30 this morning. It was my favorite color of blue that happens right before dawn. I got up and went out to my car and headed back home.

I am rarely out and driving around for the sunrise on weekends, so I was surprised at how dead it was. I drove down Taylor Avenue off Queen Anne Hill and was wishing I had my camera with me. It was so beautiful. The sun was just barely beginning to rise and it's light was making the silhouettes of the skyscrapers, jump out against the skyline. The Space Needle seemed short and the moon, still glowing against the changing blue, seemed about to land on the spindle of it. I gasped at the stunning view and felt sad for a moment that this is what I wanted to leave.

I left Seattle and drove over the near-deserted 520 bridge. The sun still slowly rising, the water slightly sparkled, and Mt. Rainier was like this monstrous keeper of the city against what was going to be a brilliant, blue sky. The mountain loomed over the lake. It looked as though if you were to drive to the end of the lake, that you would be at the base of Mt. Rainier. It was stunning and grabbed my heart. I wished I could stop my car right there, get out, walk on the water and be a part of the picture that the universe painted at that moment.

When the weather turns again in a few days, as it's supposed to, and I start my bitching and moaning about this place, remind me of this. THIS is part of why I came back. THIS is what I love about this city.

I had a beautiful moment this morning, yet it was so simple. I was standing in Starbucks waiting for my Americano. It's an absolutely beautiful day again (yet freezing) and I was looking at the sky out the window, smiling, then turned towards the direction that my Americano would be coming from. The drive-thru window is in that direction and as I turned, I was blinded by the sun, and at that same moment a cover of the Stones' "Wild Horses" comes on in the shop. This song is one of my absolute favorite songs ever. The beauty of that song, the sun blinding me, and the aroma of coffee surrounding me created this perfect, simple beautiful moment, and I closed my eyes and smiled.

Love those beautiful moments, particularly this morning...made up for the fact that my office has been emotionally turned upside down, I'm bleeding like a stuck pig, and I accidentally tucked my shawl into my pants when I left the bathroom and didn't notice it for a bit.

I'm digging out the Stone's CD right now...

I was driving in to work this morning and then the oddest thing happened. I was struck by this sudden overwhelming sense that something big was going to happen and that it was going to change my life in some way.

And something big has happened, and I have the feeling it might change my life. Is subtle, but possibly presenting new opportunity.

Freaking out.