PIG WITHOUT A BLANKET
Tonight I had a crazy craving for a cheeseburger. I haven't had one in a long time, and I'm thinking I must be low on iron or something because I was nurping BAD for one. I was in my pajamas because I'd stayed home from work today. I debated over whether or not to change, I mean I'm only going through the drive-thru. And then I started thinking about what happens when I wear my pajamas or other sloppy clothes...
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IT'S THE END OF THE COO AS WE KNOW IT...
Well my friends, I did it. I completed my virgin year. Sunday, March 19th was the completion of my year to reassess and get my priorities straight about men. And did I? I don't know. I had new messes brought into the batch of my life that I've never encountered, but I'm hoping to stay true to what I wanted out of all of this...to stop making stupid mistakes and wait for at least a little heart to be in it.
We went out on St. Patrick's to celebrate both the holiday and my anniversary. Many people bailed, but I still had some of my closest friends with me, and one even flew out from New York City for it. Desiree and I started at an Irish pub at 2 PM and were there by ourselves for two hours and had an absolute blast! Everyone was festive and in a great mood and even the girls in the bathroom were all talking and laughing and there was no cattiness as there can be in there. We were chatting with some guys we met who I swear were all giants hovering over Desiree and I. Of course the guy I was drawn to turns out to be married (this seems to be becoming a problem for me...attraction to what turns out to be the unavailable). A young puppy swore I was someone else and asked for my phone number, but he was a total puppy! Puppies are bad. Must stay away from puppies. And we drank Guinness and Black & Tans.
We were doing well for having been there for four hours and I managed to talk my friend Jason into sneaking in cheeseburgers from Dick's Drive-In. He was concerned of stinking like meat, but I convinced him everyone was too drunk to care. I started getting calls that the line to get in was over an hour long, so we canceled the burger run our friend was going to make, finished our beers and then headed out.
Everyone happened to make it to the same spot all at the same time, and we decided to head to the Green Room. We walked up there and got dinner and more drinks, and Chad announced to our waitress that we were celebrating my year of abstinence and she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "That's a LONG time!" We had our food and drinks and ran into my friend Amy, who was going to the show next door, and then the conversations start getting hazy.
We decide to go to Patti Summer's Jazz Bar nearby and go in and it looks totally different, but this doesn't click in my drunken state. I find out later on that the club has now changed to the Can-Can. They had these fake candles that had fake wicks and glowed as if lit. I accidentally found out that if you smack them, the light goes on and if you smack them again, they come back on. I became obsessed with this and started smacking them on the edge of the table and the fake candle apparently flew across the table and the bartender came and took it away from me. Conversations are very hazy at this point, but I apparently did some drunk dialing and talked to Tony and told him I was holding my liquor very well for having drank all day, and then called Vanessa and slurred about stuff. I apparently would not shut the hell up...what's new with that?
The night ended at the Five Point where I ate eggs benedict and dropped hashbrowns on Jason's shoe. Desiree and I don't remember walking into our hotel room, but we both passed out in our beds with shoes on, contacts in, everything, but somehow our drunk asses managed to hang up our coats????
The rest of the weekend was busy and so much fun. One thing I noticed though is that all of a sudden the flirtations started up right away. It's like these puppies can smell re-virginated coo, and it's TERRIFYING! I mean I haven't kissed anyone in a year yet alone had sex. Now all of a sudden I no longer have the dark cloud of purity hanging over my head and can do whatever I want again. But I want to be good, and even if I were to meet the man of my dreams tomorrow, I would be TERRIFIED! What if I forget? What if I all of a sudden suck in that way now? Oh God, that would be traumatic!
Arrrrggggghhhhhh!!!! The terror! The horror! I'm so freaked out! I mean what the hell does one do to get over that fear? Is there a "Welcome Back Cooter" lesson one takes? Do you start with instructional books and then after completing those, watch a certain number of pornos before you're allowed back out there? And no, I'm not just going to screw someone to get it over with like I know certain people will suggest. Been there done that and it's just empty, empty, empty.
Hmmmm. Who knows. All I know is that I am now this very free, slightly happy, psuedo virgin who no longer has to be, but is terrified of what awaits her!
I guess for now I will continue to cross my legs and smile.
We went out on St. Patrick's to celebrate both the holiday and my anniversary. Many people bailed, but I still had some of my closest friends with me, and one even flew out from New York City for it. Desiree and I started at an Irish pub at 2 PM and were there by ourselves for two hours and had an absolute blast! Everyone was festive and in a great mood and even the girls in the bathroom were all talking and laughing and there was no cattiness as there can be in there. We were chatting with some guys we met who I swear were all giants hovering over Desiree and I. Of course the guy I was drawn to turns out to be married (this seems to be becoming a problem for me...attraction to what turns out to be the unavailable). A young puppy swore I was someone else and asked for my phone number, but he was a total puppy! Puppies are bad. Must stay away from puppies. And we drank Guinness and Black & Tans.
We were doing well for having been there for four hours and I managed to talk my friend Jason into sneaking in cheeseburgers from Dick's Drive-In. He was concerned of stinking like meat, but I convinced him everyone was too drunk to care. I started getting calls that the line to get in was over an hour long, so we canceled the burger run our friend was going to make, finished our beers and then headed out.
Everyone happened to make it to the same spot all at the same time, and we decided to head to the Green Room. We walked up there and got dinner and more drinks, and Chad announced to our waitress that we were celebrating my year of abstinence and she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "That's a LONG time!" We had our food and drinks and ran into my friend Amy, who was going to the show next door, and then the conversations start getting hazy.
We decide to go to Patti Summer's Jazz Bar nearby and go in and it looks totally different, but this doesn't click in my drunken state. I find out later on that the club has now changed to the Can-Can. They had these fake candles that had fake wicks and glowed as if lit. I accidentally found out that if you smack them, the light goes on and if you smack them again, they come back on. I became obsessed with this and started smacking them on the edge of the table and the fake candle apparently flew across the table and the bartender came and took it away from me. Conversations are very hazy at this point, but I apparently did some drunk dialing and talked to Tony and told him I was holding my liquor very well for having drank all day, and then called Vanessa and slurred about stuff. I apparently would not shut the hell up...what's new with that?
The night ended at the Five Point where I ate eggs benedict and dropped hashbrowns on Jason's shoe. Desiree and I don't remember walking into our hotel room, but we both passed out in our beds with shoes on, contacts in, everything, but somehow our drunk asses managed to hang up our coats????
The rest of the weekend was busy and so much fun. One thing I noticed though is that all of a sudden the flirtations started up right away. It's like these puppies can smell re-virginated coo, and it's TERRIFYING! I mean I haven't kissed anyone in a year yet alone had sex. Now all of a sudden I no longer have the dark cloud of purity hanging over my head and can do whatever I want again. But I want to be good, and even if I were to meet the man of my dreams tomorrow, I would be TERRIFIED! What if I forget? What if I all of a sudden suck in that way now? Oh God, that would be traumatic!
Arrrrggggghhhhhh!!!! The terror! The horror! I'm so freaked out! I mean what the hell does one do to get over that fear? Is there a "Welcome Back Cooter" lesson one takes? Do you start with instructional books and then after completing those, watch a certain number of pornos before you're allowed back out there? And no, I'm not just going to screw someone to get it over with like I know certain people will suggest. Been there done that and it's just empty, empty, empty.
Hmmmm. Who knows. All I know is that I am now this very free, slightly happy, psuedo virgin who no longer has to be, but is terrified of what awaits her!
I guess for now I will continue to cross my legs and smile.
