SOUNDS OF THE SEA
Have you ever had one of those moments where you are in awe of what is happening? Not in the way of, "This sunset is inspiring," but more in the way of, "This is not and should not be going on." For some reason I find myself in that position quite often in life. The severity of the situation varies, but either way it happens.
On Friday I found myself in the dreaded moment of having to poo at work. I would get up and make the trek to the restroom, only to find a coworker tagging along chatting with me as they followed me into the toilet. Fuck! Go away! Go away! What do I do? Just wash my hands? No, they will catch on to the fake out. I go into the stall and just pee, while prohibiting my bum to do more. I walk out and the coworker chats me up while we wash our hands and head back into the office. Knowing I cannot head out the moment I just get back without causing suspision, I wait it out and get distracted. Hours go by and I head to the restroom again. Same thing happens with a different person. This in fact happens to me THREE times.
You can only imagine that by the end of the day I am not feeling too hot from holding it in. I head to the bathroom, finally without a coworker in tow. I walk in and there is already someone in the first stall on the right. I head to the last one on the left, the dark corner that I often reference to coworkers as "the pooping stall". Dark for the unspeakable, I say. As I walk in to the stall I hear rapid machine gun farting coming from the occupied toilet. I stifle a giggle and head into my own stall.
Now, as I've commented before there are rules of the stall. One of the rules is that it's okay to poop and make noise should another already be doing so. In knowing this, I was not worried or planning on holding it in until the other person left. Then things took an interesting turn.
Bawooooooooooo came a low singsong fart from the other stall. I once again stifle a giggle.
A moment passes.
Bahooooaaaaaaa came an equally low singsong fart. I look around in shock realizing that one was a lot closer. Then I realized...Oh my God, it's me! I matched her! It was almost like toilet Simon Says.
This singsong farting is all sounding very familiar and I can't place it. In the span of about one second it hits me...this sounds like those humpback whale meditation tapes I used to listen to, to sleep at night. I've never heard this type of fart yet alone produced one, yet somehow two strangers in two stalls happened to create the sounds of the ocean on a sunny, Friday afternoon. I stick the sleeve of my sweater in my mouth to stop what has now become full on laughter.
Bahuuuuugaaaalaaaa came a responding fart from the other stall.
I can't take this. I seriously can't take this. I'm so grateful to be on the toilet, as I would have peed myself otherwise. I haven't gone yet and I can't allow this to continue without me completely losing it. I hold it in until she leaves, and the moment she did I laughed my ass off hoping no one would walk in to hear the lone, humpback whale calling girl laughing in the stall.
I'm thinking of putting out my own meditation CD with this newfound talent.
"Now close your eyes and plug your nose. Bawuuuuuuaaaaaahhhhhhhh....."
On Friday I found myself in the dreaded moment of having to poo at work. I would get up and make the trek to the restroom, only to find a coworker tagging along chatting with me as they followed me into the toilet. Fuck! Go away! Go away! What do I do? Just wash my hands? No, they will catch on to the fake out. I go into the stall and just pee, while prohibiting my bum to do more. I walk out and the coworker chats me up while we wash our hands and head back into the office. Knowing I cannot head out the moment I just get back without causing suspision, I wait it out and get distracted. Hours go by and I head to the restroom again. Same thing happens with a different person. This in fact happens to me THREE times.
You can only imagine that by the end of the day I am not feeling too hot from holding it in. I head to the bathroom, finally without a coworker in tow. I walk in and there is already someone in the first stall on the right. I head to the last one on the left, the dark corner that I often reference to coworkers as "the pooping stall". Dark for the unspeakable, I say. As I walk in to the stall I hear rapid machine gun farting coming from the occupied toilet. I stifle a giggle and head into my own stall.
Now, as I've commented before there are rules of the stall. One of the rules is that it's okay to poop and make noise should another already be doing so. In knowing this, I was not worried or planning on holding it in until the other person left. Then things took an interesting turn.
Bawooooooooooo came a low singsong fart from the other stall. I once again stifle a giggle.
A moment passes.
Bahooooaaaaaaa came an equally low singsong fart. I look around in shock realizing that one was a lot closer. Then I realized...Oh my God, it's me! I matched her! It was almost like toilet Simon Says.
This singsong farting is all sounding very familiar and I can't place it. In the span of about one second it hits me...this sounds like those humpback whale meditation tapes I used to listen to, to sleep at night. I've never heard this type of fart yet alone produced one, yet somehow two strangers in two stalls happened to create the sounds of the ocean on a sunny, Friday afternoon. I stick the sleeve of my sweater in my mouth to stop what has now become full on laughter.
Bahuuuuugaaaalaaaa came a responding fart from the other stall.
I can't take this. I seriously can't take this. I'm so grateful to be on the toilet, as I would have peed myself otherwise. I haven't gone yet and I can't allow this to continue without me completely losing it. I hold it in until she leaves, and the moment she did I laughed my ass off hoping no one would walk in to hear the lone, humpback whale calling girl laughing in the stall.
I'm thinking of putting out my own meditation CD with this newfound talent.
"Now close your eyes and plug your nose. Bawuuuuuuaaaaaahhhhhhhh....."
