P.S.
By the way, for those who've said they've tried to leave comments on here, but can't...I had to turn off the comments twice now because I was under trackback spam attack. I got amost 100 in one night!
Dear trackback spammers. May you rot in the feces of a curry feast.
Oh wait! I'm supposed to be optimistic....
I'm POSITIVE that I hope you rot in the feces of a curry feast.
Dear trackback spammers. May you rot in the feces of a curry feast.
Oh wait! I'm supposed to be optimistic....
I'm POSITIVE that I hope you rot in the feces of a curry feast.
WAKING UP
I've heard many a time in this life, "You create your own destiny." I've thought that I've done this. I've moved MANY a time, dated many a man, changed many a job, dyed my hair many a time, made many a promise, and vowed many vows. Where has all of this gotten me? In a strange wonderland of redneckness, hating my surroundings. And you know what? I've created my own destiny.
I can't get into all the details, as they aren't effective in this form. It's something to be shared verbally. I will say that I was given something to watch that woke me up out of this apparent coma I've been in for a very, very long time.
Most of my early life was spent blaming the way I was raised or the circumstances I encountered in my life. I sought therapy over and over and over expecting someone to cure me. While some helped, I simply shifted the blame to myself as I got older. I hated how I looked and blamed my nose, my body, my long-ass chin, my big forehead, etc. for why I was miserable. I said I was ugly and that this was the root of my unhappiness. Nobody would love me because I was ugly, blah, blah, blah. Then when someone would fall in love me, I was so unhappy with myself I'm sure I pushed them away. Then I at least got to the point of loving who I was on the inside and loving those in my life, and being grateful for amazing people. However, I was still on the "I'm ugly. I'm fat." path and berating myself for all the things I never did or started to do and quit...music, college, traveling, etc. So what would I do? I'd move. I'd move to run away from relationships, bad jobs, to recreate my existence. And every time it followed me. I would vow to change things, but nothing changed except my location.
Then tonight, the movie I was given smacked it in my face. I HAVE created my own destiny. I've thrown all my negativity into the universe and it always comes back. When it comes to others I have a lot of optimism most of the time, and am great at support and encouragement, yet I never do this for myself. I sit here in North Carolina saying how much I hate this and hate that. I cry about how much I miss Seattle and my existence there, but when I was there I would cry about how much I hated it there and wanted to move. I've known what I've wanted to do for a very, long time and vow to work on that, but I sit here and watch TV and drink wine and get depressed because I'm not doing anything about anything. So what happened? I created my existence.
Now I feel like I've woken up after what I saw, what I learned tonight. I'm done bitching and moaning. I know what I want. I know where I always come back to when I move for my happiness. I know what I want to do with my life career-wise. I know that I'm not going to make it if I don't shut the fuck about being stuck with my dad's nose, and my long-ass face (okay, I just had to get a final bitch in). Done. I'm done. It's time to do it and create the existence I want.
I can't get into all the details, as they aren't effective in this form. It's something to be shared verbally. I will say that I was given something to watch that woke me up out of this apparent coma I've been in for a very, very long time.
Most of my early life was spent blaming the way I was raised or the circumstances I encountered in my life. I sought therapy over and over and over expecting someone to cure me. While some helped, I simply shifted the blame to myself as I got older. I hated how I looked and blamed my nose, my body, my long-ass chin, my big forehead, etc. for why I was miserable. I said I was ugly and that this was the root of my unhappiness. Nobody would love me because I was ugly, blah, blah, blah. Then when someone would fall in love me, I was so unhappy with myself I'm sure I pushed them away. Then I at least got to the point of loving who I was on the inside and loving those in my life, and being grateful for amazing people. However, I was still on the "I'm ugly. I'm fat." path and berating myself for all the things I never did or started to do and quit...music, college, traveling, etc. So what would I do? I'd move. I'd move to run away from relationships, bad jobs, to recreate my existence. And every time it followed me. I would vow to change things, but nothing changed except my location.
Then tonight, the movie I was given smacked it in my face. I HAVE created my own destiny. I've thrown all my negativity into the universe and it always comes back. When it comes to others I have a lot of optimism most of the time, and am great at support and encouragement, yet I never do this for myself. I sit here in North Carolina saying how much I hate this and hate that. I cry about how much I miss Seattle and my existence there, but when I was there I would cry about how much I hated it there and wanted to move. I've known what I've wanted to do for a very, long time and vow to work on that, but I sit here and watch TV and drink wine and get depressed because I'm not doing anything about anything. So what happened? I created my existence.
Now I feel like I've woken up after what I saw, what I learned tonight. I'm done bitching and moaning. I know what I want. I know where I always come back to when I move for my happiness. I know what I want to do with my life career-wise. I know that I'm not going to make it if I don't shut the fuck about being stuck with my dad's nose, and my long-ass face (okay, I just had to get a final bitch in). Done. I'm done. It's time to do it and create the existence I want.
100 THINGS
I just finished reading my friend's blog to catch up on him, and he had this "100 Things" he got from another friend's blog and I have to say, I was entertained and learned things about him that I never knew. So with that, I do my own "100 Things". Thanks Harry!
1. I get diarrhea when I'm stressed, nervous, eat goat cheese or Indian food. With the foods, I'll still eat them since I love them so. I just need to stay near a toilet.
2. I was in a commercial with my friend for Metropolitan Mattress in Phoenix. She sang the theme song and I chewed on my sleeve.
3. I buy XL underwear sometimes because I'm convinced I'm huge, but then the underwear is so big on me it has started it's own community in my butt crack. April convinced me to buy Medium underwear, which I stuck with until I moved to NC and then I went back to my old ways. This is why I constantly am picking my underwear out of my butt.
4. I am allergic to the cold. I break out in hives and am susceptible to hypothermia. I also have Raynods where I lose circulation in my fingers and toes when I'm cold. Cold hates me.
5. My sneezes are extremely high-pitched. I try to hold it in, as I once blew snot everywhere when I let loose. This is why they're so high-pitched.
6. I have a terrible relationship with my father and struggle with this all the time. I have no idea how to get along with the man because of how he is.
7. I have never been pregnant and know it is difficult for me to get so. With this I can often get sad that I will likely never have kids.
8. I learned the Ewok song from Return of the Jedi in the fifth grade. I still know it by heart and sometimes announce this when drunk and sing it.
9. I have lived in five states and numerous cities within each state. I'm terrified of sitting still, yet also crave to do so.
10. My dream is to write a book and become a humor columnist.
11. I want to travel the world, but particularly Ireland, Greece, Costa Rica, Peru and Seychelles.
12. I have had three different cysts on my ovaries burst three different times, and it's the worst pain I have ever endured.
13. I once ordered a vegetarian pizza for Ozzy Osbourne at Ozzfest.
14. I have never broken a bone, yet once had casts on both legs.
15. My two greatest fears are dolls and dying naked.
16. I often create scenarios in my head while I'm walking, driving... existing in general. Big time daydreamer.
17. I talk in my sleep and have woken myself up yelling, singing and laughing, though not all at the same time.
18. Jeff Stanley told me that his mother said I was the ugliest girl in the whole school the day after me and my friends did a dance in fourth grade to the song, "Gloria" by Laura Brannigan. I still haven't let go of this.
19. The most romantic gift I've ever received was an apple left for me in a take-out box by my ex-boyfriend that read, "A sweet apple for a very sweet girl." I still have tht box.
20. I'm a sentimental junkie (see above) and still have letters that people have written me over my many years.
21. I was in a play in the Opera House when I was in elementary school. We were told not to flush the toilets during the play because they could hear it flush onstage since the pipes were so old. My friend and I were in the bathroom while it was going on, and one of us flushed. Who it was, I can't remember.
22. I had a german shepherd try to rape me in a swimming pool in Tucson at a party. A guy had to jump over the bushes and jump in the pool fully clothes to pull the dog off of me.
23. I got butthole worms at least three times as a kid from letting my dog lick my mouth. So did my sister.
24. I love the smell of laundry.
25. I feel very at peace after I spend a day cleaning, then turn the lights down low and hear the dishwasher running.
26. I love yoga more than anything, yet don't do it very often anymore.
27. I used to have an imaginary friend that lived in my mailbox. Her name was Rachel and I would ride my hot, pink bike with a banana seat to the mailbox, open it and talk to her.
28. The Go-Go's were my idols growing up. I finally got to see them on New Year's Eve 2002/2003 in Phoenix. I was the happiest person ever that night.
29. My lower left tooth is crooked and I love it.
30. I have been truly in love three times.
31. I hated changing my name when I was married and went through a major identity crisis from it. The day I changed it back, I finally felt like myself again.
32. I have driven cross-country three times. Twice by myself with my cats.
33. I once had to bum $2.50 in quarters from my friend Dave in Tijuana because I had diarrhea and this man had taken all the toilet paper out of the stalls. Michelle would go get a quarter from Dave, buy four squares of TP, then run it back to me.
34. I wanted to be a mermaid when I grew up. I was obsessed with the old Patrick Duffy TV show "The Man from Atlantis" and would practice swimming like him, so I could be a better mermaid.
35. I am blind as a bat and have been told Lasik would be bad for me because I'm TOO blind.
36. I used to be afraid of ladybugs after I encountered a major hatching that had my neighborhood looking like the movie "The Birds". I called my parents on vacation screaming and crying asking if I should call the news or the police or something.
37. I won't answer the phone if I'm watching Lost, The Office, or Grey's Anatomy.
38. I have crazy, crazy dreams and often wish I wouldn't wake up because I like my dreams better sometimes.
39. I talk with my hands and often knock things over, hit myself in the face, and have even accidentally hit others in the face while talking.
40. I love the water and miss driving across Lake Union, even in the traffic.
41. I have finally realized that home for me will always be Seattle.
42. I love palm trees.
43. I am extremely close with my mom, sister and brother and think they are some of the best people that exist.
44. I love reading spiritual books on elightenment, but it takes me forever to read them because I start overanalyzing my life and have to read the same page ten times.
45. I love writing letters, cards, etc. I own a ton of stationary and it makes me very excited.
46. I am obsessed with shampoo, conditioner, body wash, mositurizers, anti-wrinkle creams, etc. I love buying and using these things and secretly am convinced that it will make me look totally different, yet am always disappointed that I look the same when I wake up.
47. I am too spontaneous in making major life decisions.
48. There are only three life experiences that I really hate to talk about. Everything else is an open book.
49. My sister and I used to beat the living shit out of each other as kids and into our early teens.
50. My cat, Tarot, and I hold hands/paws when I sleep. I often wake up with my hand all clawed up.
51. Whenever I hear the song "Come On Eileen" I start to dance, even if it's just a little.
52. I am extremely honest, yet fearful of hurting someone with my honesty.
53. When I was 4, the neighborhood kids convinced me you could ride a dog like a pony and proceeded to put me on the back of a golden retriever that I rode on for a few seconds before I ate shit on the pavement.
54. I was once run over by a kid racing another kid...on foot. I heard "budda, budda, budda," looked back and saw Tommy Whitaker coming at me. The next thing I know, I came to in the nurse's office and my face was all cut up.
55. I want a nose job, and recently realized a lot of it is because I look like my dad.
56. I love seared ahi and could live off of it. That and pita and hummus.
57. Sandwiches freak me out, but I recently accepted Subway sandwiches since I can watch them make it and see everything that is going in there. April said it's like a parent watching her kid take their first steps.
58. I am more afraid of ghosts than of killers.
59. In junior high, I went to a dance with Mons Bilgren and was the happiest girl ever. I thought he didn't like me because he didn't try to kiss me, so two night later I made out with one of his best friends and he hated me after that. I still regret this.
60. I am convinced that I am cursed because all my serious relationships end up marrying the very NEXT person after me. My friends are trying to help me get through this and realize it's just the way things have worked out, and I'm not so scared that the guys run and marry the next girl they date to get out of the dating pool because they're afraid of more me's.
61. My cats are my babies.
62. I had breast reduction when I was 28-years old.
63. I once had a door that sounded like it said my name whenever it opened or closed. I proved it to my friend Kim once, and we laughed so hard that we almost peed. She heard it too!
64. I pee my pants if I laugh too hard, especially when I'm tickled.
65. I often play "plastic surgery" with pictures of me and cover my nose, or shorten my forehead or chin.
66. I wear baggy clothes to hide my body because I hate it.
67. Daisies are my favorite flowers.
68. My mother is the only person who can truly embarrass me because she's more brazen than even myself.
69. I love the number 5.
70. I used to have a rule that I wouldn't date anyone less than 4 years older than me. I stuck by this rule for 8 years. Since my divorce I have never dated someone less than 4 years younger than me, but this is not a rule, just what's happened.
71. I wear my great-grandmother's wedding band on my right hand and people often think I'm married or still wearing my old wedding ring.
72. I am terrified of ever getting married again. In fact, I'm terrified of even falling in love again because I don't think I could love someone as much as I loved my last serious boyfriend.
73. I miss kissing.
74. I would love to live in Monterey or Carmel, CA. I think they're two of the greatest places ever and fall in love with the Earth every time I'm there.
75. The older I get, the more I question the whole God thing.
76. I am happiest when I am with my friends or family.
77. I realize I should have never left Seattle and yet I feel like if I came home, I'd once again be running away.
78. I only use Venus razors.
79. I don't do well on pain killers. I become very paranoid, constipated, and out of control.
80. I once had sex with a guy that was so bad, I started counting the dots on his ceiling.
81. The first time I lived in Arizona, we had a flasher at my apartment. Management warned us of it, and so I would walk around the apartment complex at night to see if he would flash me because I thought it would be funny. Never saw him.
82. I was once told not to wear my old glasses outside on a sunny day because they would start a fire.
83. I love road trips.
84. When I was a kid, I used to ask my mom if I could have her shoes when she died. She would tell me no, and say that she was going to make sure they were buried with her so I couldn't get them.
85. My sister and I saw Babba Yagga in my window as kids.
86. I have an addiction to Pirate's Booty.
87. I could spend an entire day in bed except to pee.
88. Being outside on a sunny day makes my soul happy.
89. I like to fill out forms.
90. I have the best banana story ever, but only tell it when I'm drunk or am totally comfortable with someone.
91. I change my mind all the time and wonder if I will ever stop that.
92. I bleached my hair blonde for 8 years.
93. I think I have the greatest friends in the entire world, and hate being so far from most of them.
94. I have never cheated on someone.
95. I want to buy a kazoo and play it when I am sad. I really, really like kazoos.
96. I hate medical terms for genitalia.
97. I love word with double consonants.
98. I love to wear slippers and often wear them out in public.
99. I wish I had the patience to grow my hair long.
100. I used to eat Porto-Pepto like candy and then get really constipated.
Wow! That WAS hard, Harry!
1. I get diarrhea when I'm stressed, nervous, eat goat cheese or Indian food. With the foods, I'll still eat them since I love them so. I just need to stay near a toilet.
2. I was in a commercial with my friend for Metropolitan Mattress in Phoenix. She sang the theme song and I chewed on my sleeve.
3. I buy XL underwear sometimes because I'm convinced I'm huge, but then the underwear is so big on me it has started it's own community in my butt crack. April convinced me to buy Medium underwear, which I stuck with until I moved to NC and then I went back to my old ways. This is why I constantly am picking my underwear out of my butt.
4. I am allergic to the cold. I break out in hives and am susceptible to hypothermia. I also have Raynods where I lose circulation in my fingers and toes when I'm cold. Cold hates me.
5. My sneezes are extremely high-pitched. I try to hold it in, as I once blew snot everywhere when I let loose. This is why they're so high-pitched.
6. I have a terrible relationship with my father and struggle with this all the time. I have no idea how to get along with the man because of how he is.
7. I have never been pregnant and know it is difficult for me to get so. With this I can often get sad that I will likely never have kids.
8. I learned the Ewok song from Return of the Jedi in the fifth grade. I still know it by heart and sometimes announce this when drunk and sing it.
9. I have lived in five states and numerous cities within each state. I'm terrified of sitting still, yet also crave to do so.
10. My dream is to write a book and become a humor columnist.
11. I want to travel the world, but particularly Ireland, Greece, Costa Rica, Peru and Seychelles.
12. I have had three different cysts on my ovaries burst three different times, and it's the worst pain I have ever endured.
13. I once ordered a vegetarian pizza for Ozzy Osbourne at Ozzfest.
14. I have never broken a bone, yet once had casts on both legs.
15. My two greatest fears are dolls and dying naked.
16. I often create scenarios in my head while I'm walking, driving... existing in general. Big time daydreamer.
17. I talk in my sleep and have woken myself up yelling, singing and laughing, though not all at the same time.
18. Jeff Stanley told me that his mother said I was the ugliest girl in the whole school the day after me and my friends did a dance in fourth grade to the song, "Gloria" by Laura Brannigan. I still haven't let go of this.
19. The most romantic gift I've ever received was an apple left for me in a take-out box by my ex-boyfriend that read, "A sweet apple for a very sweet girl." I still have tht box.
20. I'm a sentimental junkie (see above) and still have letters that people have written me over my many years.
21. I was in a play in the Opera House when I was in elementary school. We were told not to flush the toilets during the play because they could hear it flush onstage since the pipes were so old. My friend and I were in the bathroom while it was going on, and one of us flushed. Who it was, I can't remember.
22. I had a german shepherd try to rape me in a swimming pool in Tucson at a party. A guy had to jump over the bushes and jump in the pool fully clothes to pull the dog off of me.
23. I got butthole worms at least three times as a kid from letting my dog lick my mouth. So did my sister.
24. I love the smell of laundry.
25. I feel very at peace after I spend a day cleaning, then turn the lights down low and hear the dishwasher running.
26. I love yoga more than anything, yet don't do it very often anymore.
27. I used to have an imaginary friend that lived in my mailbox. Her name was Rachel and I would ride my hot, pink bike with a banana seat to the mailbox, open it and talk to her.
28. The Go-Go's were my idols growing up. I finally got to see them on New Year's Eve 2002/2003 in Phoenix. I was the happiest person ever that night.
29. My lower left tooth is crooked and I love it.
30. I have been truly in love three times.
31. I hated changing my name when I was married and went through a major identity crisis from it. The day I changed it back, I finally felt like myself again.
32. I have driven cross-country three times. Twice by myself with my cats.
33. I once had to bum $2.50 in quarters from my friend Dave in Tijuana because I had diarrhea and this man had taken all the toilet paper out of the stalls. Michelle would go get a quarter from Dave, buy four squares of TP, then run it back to me.
34. I wanted to be a mermaid when I grew up. I was obsessed with the old Patrick Duffy TV show "The Man from Atlantis" and would practice swimming like him, so I could be a better mermaid.
35. I am blind as a bat and have been told Lasik would be bad for me because I'm TOO blind.
36. I used to be afraid of ladybugs after I encountered a major hatching that had my neighborhood looking like the movie "The Birds". I called my parents on vacation screaming and crying asking if I should call the news or the police or something.
37. I won't answer the phone if I'm watching Lost, The Office, or Grey's Anatomy.
38. I have crazy, crazy dreams and often wish I wouldn't wake up because I like my dreams better sometimes.
39. I talk with my hands and often knock things over, hit myself in the face, and have even accidentally hit others in the face while talking.
40. I love the water and miss driving across Lake Union, even in the traffic.
41. I have finally realized that home for me will always be Seattle.
42. I love palm trees.
43. I am extremely close with my mom, sister and brother and think they are some of the best people that exist.
44. I love reading spiritual books on elightenment, but it takes me forever to read them because I start overanalyzing my life and have to read the same page ten times.
45. I love writing letters, cards, etc. I own a ton of stationary and it makes me very excited.
46. I am obsessed with shampoo, conditioner, body wash, mositurizers, anti-wrinkle creams, etc. I love buying and using these things and secretly am convinced that it will make me look totally different, yet am always disappointed that I look the same when I wake up.
47. I am too spontaneous in making major life decisions.
48. There are only three life experiences that I really hate to talk about. Everything else is an open book.
49. My sister and I used to beat the living shit out of each other as kids and into our early teens.
50. My cat, Tarot, and I hold hands/paws when I sleep. I often wake up with my hand all clawed up.
51. Whenever I hear the song "Come On Eileen" I start to dance, even if it's just a little.
52. I am extremely honest, yet fearful of hurting someone with my honesty.
53. When I was 4, the neighborhood kids convinced me you could ride a dog like a pony and proceeded to put me on the back of a golden retriever that I rode on for a few seconds before I ate shit on the pavement.
54. I was once run over by a kid racing another kid...on foot. I heard "budda, budda, budda," looked back and saw Tommy Whitaker coming at me. The next thing I know, I came to in the nurse's office and my face was all cut up.
55. I want a nose job, and recently realized a lot of it is because I look like my dad.
56. I love seared ahi and could live off of it. That and pita and hummus.
57. Sandwiches freak me out, but I recently accepted Subway sandwiches since I can watch them make it and see everything that is going in there. April said it's like a parent watching her kid take their first steps.
58. I am more afraid of ghosts than of killers.
59. In junior high, I went to a dance with Mons Bilgren and was the happiest girl ever. I thought he didn't like me because he didn't try to kiss me, so two night later I made out with one of his best friends and he hated me after that. I still regret this.
60. I am convinced that I am cursed because all my serious relationships end up marrying the very NEXT person after me. My friends are trying to help me get through this and realize it's just the way things have worked out, and I'm not so scared that the guys run and marry the next girl they date to get out of the dating pool because they're afraid of more me's.
61. My cats are my babies.
62. I had breast reduction when I was 28-years old.
63. I once had a door that sounded like it said my name whenever it opened or closed. I proved it to my friend Kim once, and we laughed so hard that we almost peed. She heard it too!
64. I pee my pants if I laugh too hard, especially when I'm tickled.
65. I often play "plastic surgery" with pictures of me and cover my nose, or shorten my forehead or chin.
66. I wear baggy clothes to hide my body because I hate it.
67. Daisies are my favorite flowers.
68. My mother is the only person who can truly embarrass me because she's more brazen than even myself.
69. I love the number 5.
70. I used to have a rule that I wouldn't date anyone less than 4 years older than me. I stuck by this rule for 8 years. Since my divorce I have never dated someone less than 4 years younger than me, but this is not a rule, just what's happened.
71. I wear my great-grandmother's wedding band on my right hand and people often think I'm married or still wearing my old wedding ring.
72. I am terrified of ever getting married again. In fact, I'm terrified of even falling in love again because I don't think I could love someone as much as I loved my last serious boyfriend.
73. I miss kissing.
74. I would love to live in Monterey or Carmel, CA. I think they're two of the greatest places ever and fall in love with the Earth every time I'm there.
75. The older I get, the more I question the whole God thing.
76. I am happiest when I am with my friends or family.
77. I realize I should have never left Seattle and yet I feel like if I came home, I'd once again be running away.
78. I only use Venus razors.
79. I don't do well on pain killers. I become very paranoid, constipated, and out of control.
80. I once had sex with a guy that was so bad, I started counting the dots on his ceiling.
81. The first time I lived in Arizona, we had a flasher at my apartment. Management warned us of it, and so I would walk around the apartment complex at night to see if he would flash me because I thought it would be funny. Never saw him.
82. I was once told not to wear my old glasses outside on a sunny day because they would start a fire.
83. I love road trips.
84. When I was a kid, I used to ask my mom if I could have her shoes when she died. She would tell me no, and say that she was going to make sure they were buried with her so I couldn't get them.
85. My sister and I saw Babba Yagga in my window as kids.
86. I have an addiction to Pirate's Booty.
87. I could spend an entire day in bed except to pee.
88. Being outside on a sunny day makes my soul happy.
89. I like to fill out forms.
90. I have the best banana story ever, but only tell it when I'm drunk or am totally comfortable with someone.
91. I change my mind all the time and wonder if I will ever stop that.
92. I bleached my hair blonde for 8 years.
93. I think I have the greatest friends in the entire world, and hate being so far from most of them.
94. I have never cheated on someone.
95. I want to buy a kazoo and play it when I am sad. I really, really like kazoos.
96. I hate medical terms for genitalia.
97. I love word with double consonants.
98. I love to wear slippers and often wear them out in public.
99. I wish I had the patience to grow my hair long.
100. I used to eat Porto-Pepto like candy and then get really constipated.
Wow! That WAS hard, Harry!
THE MAD HATTER'S TEASE PARTY!
Anyone who knows me knows that strange things always happen to me. I have learned to live with this through the years, and it has taught me to find humor in almost everything. Anyone who has ever spent time with me, knows that with being a magnet for strange occurrences, I also am a magnet for freaks.
Seriously I am! At this point in life, I am quite surprised that I have not been hit on by a two-headed man, or something born with a pig anus in their cheek. Should that ever happen, I will not let my jaw drop, but simply say, "Sorry sweetie, your friend over there with a tentacle coming out of his belly button already got my number. I'm all out of potential dates tonight!" Old men, freak shows, mental cases, the toothless! They want me, and I am afraid.
The second time I lived in Phoenix, homeless men often hit on me. They loved to come up and talk to me, or put their arm around me while I walked with my friends from the office. My friends would laugh their asses off, as the man grumbled drunken words into my ear that I think were sweet nothings. Once, while on a smoke break, a man who didn't seem drunk, but was obviously homeless, came up to me and said he could draw my picture for me. Assuming, he wanted money to do this, I told him kindly, "Thank you, but that's okay." He then began to yell, "I didn't say I would! I said I could! I'm an artist bitch! I thought you were beautiful, but you're not! You know why? Because your soul is ugly!" There I stood tearing up as this man screamed about my ugly soul during lunch in downtown Phoenix with suits milling about looking confused.
One day while carrying things to the theater, I asked Serena and Marcos why this always happened to me. They both told me it was because I looked homeless myself. To prove their point, they noted the over-sized snowboarding pullover I was wearing, the pierced eyebrow, the no makeup, and the frizzed out mangled hair. They told me to go lay on the upcoming bench and I did so. The pointed and laughed as I lay there holding a rolled up rug. I got their point.
While living in Kentucky, I went to meet a friend and her boyfriend at a karaoke bar. When I arrived, there was a 55-year old, scary-looking guy sitting with them. He was a truck driver who sort of knew my friend's boyfriend (I think he was his dealer personally). Bush had declared War on Iraq just days before and so this was the hot topic for everyone that night. I am and have always been, against the war and made it noted so. The truck driver was for the war. Long story short, we ended up screaming at each other over bad renditions of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot". Truck driver was banging his fists on the table and I was pointing my finger in his face. Yes, my friends it was ugly. When I finally told him to "shut the fuck up and drop it", he laughed and asked me for my phone number! What the hell? Too weirded out to just say no and yell at him some more, I gave him a fake number. More freaks and perverts ensued after him in Kentucky.
Back in Seattle it settled down when I started dating my now ex-boyfriend. I was safe from the cuckoos. A year later we broke up and I exuded enough misery at all times to still ward off the whack jobs. By the time I got my head on straight, I was dating again. That ended, and then came the drunken night where I woke up next to a large-eyed, cheerio-mouthed man with vagina lips.
"Did I make this man of Play-Doh?" I wondered? He definitely could pass for it. I had no clue who this was and could not remember a thing about our night together, but I knew we'd slept together and I wanted to die. I'm not a mean person, and do not judge by looks typically. I have fallen for plenty a man who got me with their personality, and if they were good looking too, then so be it, but it was their heart that won me over. However, when you wake up not knowing where you are and are still drunk, and you roll over, this was not the way to start your morning.
I vowed to take a year off from men completely. I threw out my major virgin vibe and if someone even approached me, would talk about being abstinent and they would quickly go away. Once that year ended, I decided to go on a date when asked a couple of months later. This one looked normal, but turned out to be psycho and wanted to be in a boy band. This was creepier to me than any mutant out there. After him, I left Seattle safely, virgin vibe keeping me safe from the mutants.
Then I moved here. I am no longer bent on the abstinence thing, but am bent on it being with someone I care about. No fish-faced, boy band hook-ups! And guess who comes on to me? First it was a man in Charlotte who I think watched St. Elmo's Fire too many times, as he was wearing Rob Lowe's wardrobe from the movie. He talked about his ex-wife, which turned into two ex-wives, and talked about needing to be protective of his daughter because she had big boobs.
Then there was last Friday night. I was out with some girlfriends in No Da in Charlotte. We were watching this band play outside, sitting by the stinkiest fire I've ever smelled (do not use Charcoal Blocks). So we sat watching the band, listening, and then I notice all these people looking at me laughing. I of course become paranoid. I look at my friend next to me, and she starts laughing too. I then turn my head to have the face of an old, drunk man in a top hat, greet me. Holy shit, they've found me here!
He would pull his head back, then push it back in my face, mouth open. Okay, okay. You got me. I laughed and thought he'd knock it off. No. He continued this for a bit, and then continued on with a new gesture near my face. Then, he started the pelvic thrusts close to my side. Okay, that's it! I leaned far right and stood up, chuckled and laughed. He then stole someone's bicycle and rode away for a bit, leaving me frustrated that the curse continued.
On our way back to our car, a man approached one of the girls I was with and was saying how they'd talked earlier, then turns to my other friend and announces she's hot and he loves her. Lovely. I get the drunk, crazy, old men, and she gets proclamations of love.
The universe is mean, or maybe my face is just asking for it. Either way, I've decided to look into being a pinup girl for the AARP.
Seriously I am! At this point in life, I am quite surprised that I have not been hit on by a two-headed man, or something born with a pig anus in their cheek. Should that ever happen, I will not let my jaw drop, but simply say, "Sorry sweetie, your friend over there with a tentacle coming out of his belly button already got my number. I'm all out of potential dates tonight!" Old men, freak shows, mental cases, the toothless! They want me, and I am afraid.
The second time I lived in Phoenix, homeless men often hit on me. They loved to come up and talk to me, or put their arm around me while I walked with my friends from the office. My friends would laugh their asses off, as the man grumbled drunken words into my ear that I think were sweet nothings. Once, while on a smoke break, a man who didn't seem drunk, but was obviously homeless, came up to me and said he could draw my picture for me. Assuming, he wanted money to do this, I told him kindly, "Thank you, but that's okay." He then began to yell, "I didn't say I would! I said I could! I'm an artist bitch! I thought you were beautiful, but you're not! You know why? Because your soul is ugly!" There I stood tearing up as this man screamed about my ugly soul during lunch in downtown Phoenix with suits milling about looking confused.
One day while carrying things to the theater, I asked Serena and Marcos why this always happened to me. They both told me it was because I looked homeless myself. To prove their point, they noted the over-sized snowboarding pullover I was wearing, the pierced eyebrow, the no makeup, and the frizzed out mangled hair. They told me to go lay on the upcoming bench and I did so. The pointed and laughed as I lay there holding a rolled up rug. I got their point.
While living in Kentucky, I went to meet a friend and her boyfriend at a karaoke bar. When I arrived, there was a 55-year old, scary-looking guy sitting with them. He was a truck driver who sort of knew my friend's boyfriend (I think he was his dealer personally). Bush had declared War on Iraq just days before and so this was the hot topic for everyone that night. I am and have always been, against the war and made it noted so. The truck driver was for the war. Long story short, we ended up screaming at each other over bad renditions of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot". Truck driver was banging his fists on the table and I was pointing my finger in his face. Yes, my friends it was ugly. When I finally told him to "shut the fuck up and drop it", he laughed and asked me for my phone number! What the hell? Too weirded out to just say no and yell at him some more, I gave him a fake number. More freaks and perverts ensued after him in Kentucky.
Back in Seattle it settled down when I started dating my now ex-boyfriend. I was safe from the cuckoos. A year later we broke up and I exuded enough misery at all times to still ward off the whack jobs. By the time I got my head on straight, I was dating again. That ended, and then came the drunken night where I woke up next to a large-eyed, cheerio-mouthed man with vagina lips.
"Did I make this man of Play-Doh?" I wondered? He definitely could pass for it. I had no clue who this was and could not remember a thing about our night together, but I knew we'd slept together and I wanted to die. I'm not a mean person, and do not judge by looks typically. I have fallen for plenty a man who got me with their personality, and if they were good looking too, then so be it, but it was their heart that won me over. However, when you wake up not knowing where you are and are still drunk, and you roll over, this was not the way to start your morning.
I vowed to take a year off from men completely. I threw out my major virgin vibe and if someone even approached me, would talk about being abstinent and they would quickly go away. Once that year ended, I decided to go on a date when asked a couple of months later. This one looked normal, but turned out to be psycho and wanted to be in a boy band. This was creepier to me than any mutant out there. After him, I left Seattle safely, virgin vibe keeping me safe from the mutants.
Then I moved here. I am no longer bent on the abstinence thing, but am bent on it being with someone I care about. No fish-faced, boy band hook-ups! And guess who comes on to me? First it was a man in Charlotte who I think watched St. Elmo's Fire too many times, as he was wearing Rob Lowe's wardrobe from the movie. He talked about his ex-wife, which turned into two ex-wives, and talked about needing to be protective of his daughter because she had big boobs.
Then there was last Friday night. I was out with some girlfriends in No Da in Charlotte. We were watching this band play outside, sitting by the stinkiest fire I've ever smelled (do not use Charcoal Blocks). So we sat watching the band, listening, and then I notice all these people looking at me laughing. I of course become paranoid. I look at my friend next to me, and she starts laughing too. I then turn my head to have the face of an old, drunk man in a top hat, greet me. Holy shit, they've found me here!
He would pull his head back, then push it back in my face, mouth open. Okay, okay. You got me. I laughed and thought he'd knock it off. No. He continued this for a bit, and then continued on with a new gesture near my face. Then, he started the pelvic thrusts close to my side. Okay, that's it! I leaned far right and stood up, chuckled and laughed. He then stole someone's bicycle and rode away for a bit, leaving me frustrated that the curse continued.
On our way back to our car, a man approached one of the girls I was with and was saying how they'd talked earlier, then turns to my other friend and announces she's hot and he loves her. Lovely. I get the drunk, crazy, old men, and she gets proclamations of love.
The universe is mean, or maybe my face is just asking for it. Either way, I've decided to look into being a pinup girl for the AARP.
PLEASE SUPPORT ME!
Hi all,
Okay, so I've never done this before, but I am bent on doing all I can this year and thought this might help. I have a VERY dear friend who has MS. Ever since her diagnosis a couple of years ago, some of my closest friends and I have participated in the MS Walk to raise funds and awareness about this horrible disease.
I have now moved 3,000 miles away, but am determined to keep up this tradition. My mother and I will be participating in the MS Walk in the Triad, on Saturday, April 28th. I don't care if it's $5 or $10, your contributions make a difference!
If you are interested in making a pledge/donation for me, for this Walk, please visit this site:
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?px=3009962&pg=personal&fr_id=3400
Thank you so much! I appreciate any support, as this cause that has become very dear to my heart.
Love to all,
Heather
Okay, so I've never done this before, but I am bent on doing all I can this year and thought this might help. I have a VERY dear friend who has MS. Ever since her diagnosis a couple of years ago, some of my closest friends and I have participated in the MS Walk to raise funds and awareness about this horrible disease.
I have now moved 3,000 miles away, but am determined to keep up this tradition. My mother and I will be participating in the MS Walk in the Triad, on Saturday, April 28th. I don't care if it's $5 or $10, your contributions make a difference!
If you are interested in making a pledge/donation for me, for this Walk, please visit this site:
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?px=3009962&pg=personal&fr_id=3400
Thank you so much! I appreciate any support, as this cause that has become very dear to my heart.
Love to all,
Heather
