MEAN GIRL
I happily grabbed my take-out order of Thai food last night and hopped in my car. I was excited for a quiet evening at home with my Pranang Curry and Hollywood Land, which had been sitting on my kitchen counter for over a week now.
Now, my mind seems to race all the time. I think I made some deal with God before I was born, that since I would fuck up and make lots of sin, I would be eternally cursed with a constant Heather's Life movie montage, running through my head. I have accepted this, and it often brings me much amusement as I giggle at things that have happened, or create scenarios of could-be's. The montage seems to run overtime while I drive, shower or am on the toilet. This is where either great ideas or tragic memories seem to wash over me.
As I drove home, my car beginning to stink from my food, I was thinking how happy I was in the blissful sunshine. Yeah, I hate the town I live in, but that would change after my lease ended. I was thinking how content I was in life. I was near my family, had a job I didn't hate, was crowned with glorious sunshine near-year-round, had a great apartment with a view of decorative garbage in the ravine next to me, had wonderful friends (even though most are across the country) who I loved and they loved me, and for the first time in my life I was truly happy being alone. The last part is the thing that has really stuck out to me lately.
I've never been one who was always in a relationship or anything, but I've spent a good chunk of my life in relationships, dating, or just messing around with various guys. I'd been living a life date-free (minus one date with a psycho who serenaded me with a Backstreet Boys song, then online stalked me for a month), relationship-free, and slut-free. I finally had learned not to jump into things I shouldn't. I had learned how to keep my zipper and legs closed. I had learned that it can be very good and very fulfilling to be alone, and I felt very happy and content with it all. Life is good.
That's when the Heather's Life montage kicked in, and my brain screamed, "You shouldn't be so proud, Heather. You're basically doing community service for the bad things you've done!"
What?
"You're saving men by keeping away from them. You're a MEAN girlfriend!" answered my brain.
Where was this coming from? I was happy. I was a good person with a good heart. My friend, Isaac even called me "a good egg" in his email that day. Then I realized what triggered this...
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Now, my mind seems to race all the time. I think I made some deal with God before I was born, that since I would fuck up and make lots of sin, I would be eternally cursed with a constant Heather's Life movie montage, running through my head. I have accepted this, and it often brings me much amusement as I giggle at things that have happened, or create scenarios of could-be's. The montage seems to run overtime while I drive, shower or am on the toilet. This is where either great ideas or tragic memories seem to wash over me.
As I drove home, my car beginning to stink from my food, I was thinking how happy I was in the blissful sunshine. Yeah, I hate the town I live in, but that would change after my lease ended. I was thinking how content I was in life. I was near my family, had a job I didn't hate, was crowned with glorious sunshine near-year-round, had a great apartment with a view of decorative garbage in the ravine next to me, had wonderful friends (even though most are across the country) who I loved and they loved me, and for the first time in my life I was truly happy being alone. The last part is the thing that has really stuck out to me lately.
I've never been one who was always in a relationship or anything, but I've spent a good chunk of my life in relationships, dating, or just messing around with various guys. I'd been living a life date-free (minus one date with a psycho who serenaded me with a Backstreet Boys song, then online stalked me for a month), relationship-free, and slut-free. I finally had learned not to jump into things I shouldn't. I had learned how to keep my zipper and legs closed. I had learned that it can be very good and very fulfilling to be alone, and I felt very happy and content with it all. Life is good.
That's when the Heather's Life montage kicked in, and my brain screamed, "You shouldn't be so proud, Heather. You're basically doing community service for the bad things you've done!"
What?
"You're saving men by keeping away from them. You're a MEAN girlfriend!" answered my brain.
Where was this coming from? I was happy. I was a good person with a good heart. My friend, Isaac even called me "a good egg" in his email that day. Then I realized what triggered this...
Read More
