WITH AGE COMES DITZDOM
I thought I was done writing for the night, but then something strange happened. I went to lie down on my bed and glanced at my nightstand. Lying next to my candle, lamp, books, glass flower, picture of my niece, and a large tub of Vaseline (I SWEAR it's for my mouth lips), lay a fork. What the hell? Where did this come from? I'm totally confused. I retrace my steps tonight, but alas I don't remember eating anything in the bedroom, yet alone using a fork for a bookmark. Did I bring this in here as a weapon while my helmet-haired neighbor pounded on my door the other night? He's been trying to invite himself up to drink some of his sherry, and is freaking me out. No, I would've brought in a knife, not a fork.
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ATTACK OF THE UTERINE MINIONS
Before I start, let me preface this by saying this is NOT meant to be a pity party, just a purge. I'm all good.
The months prior to turning 25, I freaked out. I was going to be 30 in five years, and this checklist seemed to materialize in my brain at all times. What had I done with my life? I was happy. I had moved back from Seattle that year after six months of living in Phoenix that changed me for so much good. I had a decent job, and was living in an inexpensive, old apartment in West Seattle with a view of Vashon Island, the Sound and the Olympic mountains, with my best friend. Life was spontaneous, fun, and full of adventure. I started dating someone serious, and then my impending 25th ran me over like a freight train. I was going to be 30 in five years! I needed to get my shit in gear and be the adult I'd planned to be, or so my tiny brain thought.
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The months prior to turning 25, I freaked out. I was going to be 30 in five years, and this checklist seemed to materialize in my brain at all times. What had I done with my life? I was happy. I had moved back from Seattle that year after six months of living in Phoenix that changed me for so much good. I had a decent job, and was living in an inexpensive, old apartment in West Seattle with a view of Vashon Island, the Sound and the Olympic mountains, with my best friend. Life was spontaneous, fun, and full of adventure. I started dating someone serious, and then my impending 25th ran me over like a freight train. I was going to be 30 in five years! I needed to get my shit in gear and be the adult I'd planned to be, or so my tiny brain thought.
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