PUSH AND YOU SHALL SEE
While at work yesterday, I was summoned to a meeting between my husband/wife bosses, one of the superintendents, and the realtor who would be selling our homes at a future project. The goal was to go through potential house plans and pick out six that we would begin building for a subdivision we are taking over. Simple enough, I thought. As I sat there and listened to everyone drone on, I wondered what the hell they were thinking with some of the choices they were looking at. Some were old fartish and boring. You must first understand that I work for a high-end homebuilder who until the market slump was specializing in extravagant custom homes. We were now taking on our first "affordable" housing project.
At one point in the meeting, the bosses turned to the superintendent, five years my junior and asked him what features his wife was looking for in a home when they were looking a few months ago. "Schools, price and location," he said. They reiterated their question. What FEATURES was she looking for? He responded, "No features. Just schools, price and location." The realtor commented schools were the number one thing younger couples were looking for.
I cleared my throat and said, "Can I tell you what I would look for?" Everyone but the realtor looked at me like I'd just farted. I could tell they thought my opinion worthless. I thought it was possibly related to the fact I currently don't own a home. "I HAVE owned a home before you know." They stayed quiet.
"I don't get all these Masters on the Main. If I had young children, as our target demographic does, I wouldn't want them on a different floor. I'd want to be able to run into their room if I heard the baby crying. Or if a toddler gets up, they shouldn't have to go downstairs to get me."
All sat silent except the realtor who exclaimed, "Exactly! That's what I hear from a lot of clients." The others sat silent. My boss's wife turned to the superintendent. "What would your wife want? What features work for your kids?"
I wanted to scream, "Why does my opinion not count?" I decide to take another approach. "Another feature that is very appealing to some of my friends who are married or have kids is having the laundry room by the bedrooms so you don't have to lug it up and down the stairs."
"Exactly!" said the realtor. "I hear that a lot too!"
My bosses wife retorted, "Yeah, but I spend most of my time in the kitchen." I leaned back sighing in frustration. I wanted to remind her she was 50 with kids who were 17 and 22.
I may be crazy, but I felt like because I'm single with no kids, my opinion didn't matter. This infuriated me beyond words. I stayed enraged over this all day yesterday. My mother, whom I work with had encountered her own enraging moment and while doing my laundry at her house, we were both venting and I felt a bit more validated after expressing my frustration. My mother knowing them, and definitely not one to side with me because it's me, agreed that it sounded like that.
A recent study recently surfaced saying that people who are married, particularly those with children, are promoted more in their companies than single people because companies think it shows a sense of responsibility and stability. This is shocking to me from my experience of dealing with bosses who leave early because of their kids all the time, or call in sick because their kid is sick. I have no one to come home to, so I can stay late. I can put in the added effort. Yet this study all of a sudden seemed true to me because some guy whose wife wants to have baby 4 because her eldest started kindergarten, has a more valid opinion than mine because he is married with kids. It disgusted me. I don't get why one's opinion, worth or value is equated to the status of their family life?
My frustration and anger carried into today. I worked myself into such a point of anxiety; I thought I was going to vomit. When I got home, I instead blew ass. And with that release came another. Oh my god, who cares? This feeling overwhelmed me, filled every piece of my being and with that came an intense sensation of happiness.
Sure I am not the woman I'd dreamt I would be when I grew up. I don't have the husband and kids. However, I had the white dream wedding. I had the husband. None of it was me. To this day, I hate how it ended, but I also know I'm happier than I would have ever been in that relationship. He's married and happy. I'm single and happy. I feel like that even at almost 35, I have the world at my hands and there is an exciting possibility around every corner.
I know a lot of people love their lives with their spouses and kids, and I'm glad. It makes me happy to know others are truly happy. The world would be a better place if everyone were at that point. However, I realize it's okay that my dreams might not fit into that "demographic", that "stereotype". Society doesn't have to interpret who I am or what I should have. My life is odd. I am odd. I like the oddities. And what I want might be odd. It would take an amazing man to change my mind about marriage, but I'm all for a lifelong commitment and babies with someone. I'm even open to non-traditional baby ways.
Who gives a fuck how it all happens? I just all of a sudden feel this thrill for what I have and what awaits me. I know there will be love again, that doesn't worry me. It would be great if it were sooner than later because, honestly, I'd love to get laid regularly again. But besides the sex, I really do love love. I love waking up and laughing with some stinky-breathed man who I trust and love and want to wrap my arms around and rub my "just-fucked" birds' nest hair into his face. I love the inside jokes, the giving, the struggle. I love the whole process. And I love that as a single, 34-year and 11-month old woman, I have lived life to such an extent I know I'm not sacrificing "what if's" or "I wish I would have's" for my future mate.
I'm not the woman I dreamt I'd be. I'm glad. I'm stronger, more independent, more playful and I've experienced more than I ever thought I'd experience. And I'm not done yet, damnit.
At one point in the meeting, the bosses turned to the superintendent, five years my junior and asked him what features his wife was looking for in a home when they were looking a few months ago. "Schools, price and location," he said. They reiterated their question. What FEATURES was she looking for? He responded, "No features. Just schools, price and location." The realtor commented schools were the number one thing younger couples were looking for.
I cleared my throat and said, "Can I tell you what I would look for?" Everyone but the realtor looked at me like I'd just farted. I could tell they thought my opinion worthless. I thought it was possibly related to the fact I currently don't own a home. "I HAVE owned a home before you know." They stayed quiet.
"I don't get all these Masters on the Main. If I had young children, as our target demographic does, I wouldn't want them on a different floor. I'd want to be able to run into their room if I heard the baby crying. Or if a toddler gets up, they shouldn't have to go downstairs to get me."
All sat silent except the realtor who exclaimed, "Exactly! That's what I hear from a lot of clients." The others sat silent. My boss's wife turned to the superintendent. "What would your wife want? What features work for your kids?"
I wanted to scream, "Why does my opinion not count?" I decide to take another approach. "Another feature that is very appealing to some of my friends who are married or have kids is having the laundry room by the bedrooms so you don't have to lug it up and down the stairs."
"Exactly!" said the realtor. "I hear that a lot too!"
My bosses wife retorted, "Yeah, but I spend most of my time in the kitchen." I leaned back sighing in frustration. I wanted to remind her she was 50 with kids who were 17 and 22.
I may be crazy, but I felt like because I'm single with no kids, my opinion didn't matter. This infuriated me beyond words. I stayed enraged over this all day yesterday. My mother, whom I work with had encountered her own enraging moment and while doing my laundry at her house, we were both venting and I felt a bit more validated after expressing my frustration. My mother knowing them, and definitely not one to side with me because it's me, agreed that it sounded like that.
A recent study recently surfaced saying that people who are married, particularly those with children, are promoted more in their companies than single people because companies think it shows a sense of responsibility and stability. This is shocking to me from my experience of dealing with bosses who leave early because of their kids all the time, or call in sick because their kid is sick. I have no one to come home to, so I can stay late. I can put in the added effort. Yet this study all of a sudden seemed true to me because some guy whose wife wants to have baby 4 because her eldest started kindergarten, has a more valid opinion than mine because he is married with kids. It disgusted me. I don't get why one's opinion, worth or value is equated to the status of their family life?
My frustration and anger carried into today. I worked myself into such a point of anxiety; I thought I was going to vomit. When I got home, I instead blew ass. And with that release came another. Oh my god, who cares? This feeling overwhelmed me, filled every piece of my being and with that came an intense sensation of happiness.
Sure I am not the woman I'd dreamt I would be when I grew up. I don't have the husband and kids. However, I had the white dream wedding. I had the husband. None of it was me. To this day, I hate how it ended, but I also know I'm happier than I would have ever been in that relationship. He's married and happy. I'm single and happy. I feel like that even at almost 35, I have the world at my hands and there is an exciting possibility around every corner.
I know a lot of people love their lives with their spouses and kids, and I'm glad. It makes me happy to know others are truly happy. The world would be a better place if everyone were at that point. However, I realize it's okay that my dreams might not fit into that "demographic", that "stereotype". Society doesn't have to interpret who I am or what I should have. My life is odd. I am odd. I like the oddities. And what I want might be odd. It would take an amazing man to change my mind about marriage, but I'm all for a lifelong commitment and babies with someone. I'm even open to non-traditional baby ways.
Who gives a fuck how it all happens? I just all of a sudden feel this thrill for what I have and what awaits me. I know there will be love again, that doesn't worry me. It would be great if it were sooner than later because, honestly, I'd love to get laid regularly again. But besides the sex, I really do love love. I love waking up and laughing with some stinky-breathed man who I trust and love and want to wrap my arms around and rub my "just-fucked" birds' nest hair into his face. I love the inside jokes, the giving, the struggle. I love the whole process. And I love that as a single, 34-year and 11-month old woman, I have lived life to such an extent I know I'm not sacrificing "what if's" or "I wish I would have's" for my future mate.
I'm not the woman I dreamt I'd be. I'm glad. I'm stronger, more independent, more playful and I've experienced more than I ever thought I'd experience. And I'm not done yet, damnit.
