REVENGE CHICKEN
The day started out normal and stayed that way until lunch. I came home, took care of some business on the phone, and then went into my bedroom to pet my cats. Tarot was sitting in the window, and as I pet him I saw something odd sitting on my balcony table. I walked outside to get a better look at it. What the? It was a pale shade of beige and almost looked like a large wad of chewed up banana. I got as close to it as I could without touching it, which is when I realized what it was...a big chunk of chicken breast. Yes my friends, I have been the victim of a chickening.
Who throws chicken at someone's place? I mean yes, I'm grateful that it wasn't an egg, but a piece of chicken? Was someone so mad that an egg wasn't good enough so they decided to go for the motherload? The mother OF the egg? Who did this? Did a chicken from work follow me home and throw it as a sign to back off from chasing them off at work? Nah. That would indicate the chicken was a cannibal. My sister suggested that maybe a bird was carrying the chicken and dropped it, but I told her that the piece was too large for a small bird to carry. Was someone walking by, eating some baked chicken breast, and couldn't finish it and threw it? I doubt it. Most people throw things down, not up onto someone's second-story balcony. Then it clicked.
Management at my apartment complex has been ticked off about kids riding their bikes through the breezeways and has been sending out newsletters warning parents not to let their kids do this. The kids fly out of there and you can't see them coming. Two days ago I was pulling into a parking space here and all of a sudden the hybrid Big Wheel thing and a bike come flying out of my breezeway and jump the curb into the space I was pulling into. It scared the shit out of me! I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting them. Out of panic I screamed "GET OUT OF MY WAY!" And I might have shook my fist at them. I can't guarantee that, but I do use my hands a lot when I speak, so it's entirely possible. They glared at me and took off. Now, two days later I have chicken on my balcony? I brought the kids up to my sister and she said, "Heather, that HAS to be it. You pissed them off. This is revenge chicken!"
Tonight when I came home from work, I was walking towards the stairs. The one neighbor on my side of the building, who won't talk to anyone, was walking to the parking lot. He had one end of a Kleenex shoved into his ear with the remainder of the tissue sticking straight out. I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. He got into his car and drove off like that. Who would leave their house like that? And then it occurred to me - I was lucky to just get the drive-by chickening. I think the kids got HIM while he slept.
Who throws chicken at someone's place? I mean yes, I'm grateful that it wasn't an egg, but a piece of chicken? Was someone so mad that an egg wasn't good enough so they decided to go for the motherload? The mother OF the egg? Who did this? Did a chicken from work follow me home and throw it as a sign to back off from chasing them off at work? Nah. That would indicate the chicken was a cannibal. My sister suggested that maybe a bird was carrying the chicken and dropped it, but I told her that the piece was too large for a small bird to carry. Was someone walking by, eating some baked chicken breast, and couldn't finish it and threw it? I doubt it. Most people throw things down, not up onto someone's second-story balcony. Then it clicked.
Management at my apartment complex has been ticked off about kids riding their bikes through the breezeways and has been sending out newsletters warning parents not to let their kids do this. The kids fly out of there and you can't see them coming. Two days ago I was pulling into a parking space here and all of a sudden the hybrid Big Wheel thing and a bike come flying out of my breezeway and jump the curb into the space I was pulling into. It scared the shit out of me! I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting them. Out of panic I screamed "GET OUT OF MY WAY!" And I might have shook my fist at them. I can't guarantee that, but I do use my hands a lot when I speak, so it's entirely possible. They glared at me and took off. Now, two days later I have chicken on my balcony? I brought the kids up to my sister and she said, "Heather, that HAS to be it. You pissed them off. This is revenge chicken!"
Tonight when I came home from work, I was walking towards the stairs. The one neighbor on my side of the building, who won't talk to anyone, was walking to the parking lot. He had one end of a Kleenex shoved into his ear with the remainder of the tissue sticking straight out. I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. He got into his car and drove off like that. Who would leave their house like that? And then it occurred to me - I was lucky to just get the drive-by chickening. I think the kids got HIM while he slept.
