TYRANNOSAURUS SEX
Tonight I was transcribing this one interview and this girl mentions a club that used to be in Charlotte called the Pterodactyl. When I heard this word I thought, "Oh shit. How do you spell this?" So I Google how it sounds, though I know a dinosaur name always has a "y" in it or it seems. I type in "teradactile". Google corrects me and says, "Do you mean 'terradactyl'?" Sure. I click the link. The first thing that comes up is a definition from the Urban Dictionary.
1. teradactyl
The sexual act of performing fellatio and simultaneously jerking off two penii. This motion resembles that of a teradactyl in flight. Related to skiing, but arms are raised, and mouth is open.
Becky is such a slut, I saw her giving Alex and Joe a terradactyl.
WHAT? Wait a minute... WHAT? No way. I read it again. Yep, I read it right the first time. Holy shit! Becky IS a slut! Who does this? Okay, on porn, sure. Seen it. But is this happening so much they've created this slang term for it?
"That's disgusting. I would never!" And as the words escaped me I felt old and prudish.
I emailed my friend immediately to express my horror in feeling old for thinking this. She was grossed out too and said, "I wouldn't feel old. I would feel pure and chaste."
Pure and chaste? Okay, so I am unintentionally pure and chaste now, but as a whole? Eh-uh. You see...not only was Becky, the double-fisted handjob giver, a slut, but I used to be too. I've always tried to remain open-minded about that realm and have more than enough stories and experiences to never wonder about what I might have missed out on. I haven't done everything, but I've done a lot. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but it is what it is. I don't whore around anymore, but I also consider myself someone to be difficult to shock.
When I was younger I was never "prudish" or saving myself for love, at least not after I was 16. I wanted to have fun and not give a shit. Nothing shocked me! I was pretty much open to almost anything. I was, and still obviously am, very open about sex. I am the girl who made my mom and coworkers watch gay foot porn that was accidentally delivered to my friend's apartment. I am the girl who was kicked out of an S&M room at a club for laughing and "disturbing the other patrons." I've stumbled around an adult bookstore with my pants inside out after fooling around with my ex-husband. I went on a date once and let the guy show me around an adult video booth place as I maneuvered my way around wadded up tissue. I've been to strip clubs, watched porn (even "environmental" porn) and even shot a banana out of my coo! Yes! You heard me, a ba-na-na! I'm not ashamed! Okay, well that was an accident, but it's a great story actually. But you get the gist? Why am I so grossed out that some multiple partner sex act has become so common that it has it's own definition?
I read on to see the second definition that came with "teradactyl."
2. teradactyl
Teradactyl: a sex manuever in which, right before the male ejaculates, he brings the blanket over his shoulders and flaps his "wings" against the female.
"Frank was insane last night, he brought that girl in his room and gave her a terradactyl!"
This sent me into hysterics. This does not disgust me at all, in fact I can't stop laughing at this. I'm back! Woo-hoo no prude! Seriously though, who does this? Please, tell me if you've ever done this before. I just...I mean....how does this happen in the first place? Is he having frigid, cold sex instead of hot and sweaty sex, so he needs a blanket to wrap around his arms? Then in the midst of trying to warm his ice-cold arms while receiving head, is he attacked by fruit flies? They're surrounding his arms now! Maybe they're cold too and just want in the blanket? Frigid boy can't have dirty flies touching him...just dirty sex! So he swats at them, clinging to his blanket because despite the fact he's being sucked off, his first priority is staying warm! The swatting isn't working now and the number of fruit flies are growing, as is his need to blow AND stay warm. So he flaps his arms. He flaps and he flaps and he flaps, and then he splats?
I really don't get this, but trust me, you...I'm going to be freaking out some poor guy in the future.
"So while I do this, would you mind wearing a blanket? Uh-huh, yeah good like that. Now....can you flap your arms? No, not like some little bird, you sissy! BIG flaps...like an eagle! Good. Very good. Now...uh, can you make some dinosaur noises? No. No. No! THAT is a Tyrannosaurs! Do you think those guys could fly with their little arms? NO! Flapping? Dinosaur? Yes sweetie, a pterodactyl. Now I'm a brontosaurus looking for limb of leaves..."
1. teradactyl
The sexual act of performing fellatio and simultaneously jerking off two penii. This motion resembles that of a teradactyl in flight. Related to skiing, but arms are raised, and mouth is open.
Becky is such a slut, I saw her giving Alex and Joe a terradactyl.
WHAT? Wait a minute... WHAT? No way. I read it again. Yep, I read it right the first time. Holy shit! Becky IS a slut! Who does this? Okay, on porn, sure. Seen it. But is this happening so much they've created this slang term for it?
"That's disgusting. I would never!" And as the words escaped me I felt old and prudish.
I emailed my friend immediately to express my horror in feeling old for thinking this. She was grossed out too and said, "I wouldn't feel old. I would feel pure and chaste."
Pure and chaste? Okay, so I am unintentionally pure and chaste now, but as a whole? Eh-uh. You see...not only was Becky, the double-fisted handjob giver, a slut, but I used to be too. I've always tried to remain open-minded about that realm and have more than enough stories and experiences to never wonder about what I might have missed out on. I haven't done everything, but I've done a lot. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but it is what it is. I don't whore around anymore, but I also consider myself someone to be difficult to shock.
When I was younger I was never "prudish" or saving myself for love, at least not after I was 16. I wanted to have fun and not give a shit. Nothing shocked me! I was pretty much open to almost anything. I was, and still obviously am, very open about sex. I am the girl who made my mom and coworkers watch gay foot porn that was accidentally delivered to my friend's apartment. I am the girl who was kicked out of an S&M room at a club for laughing and "disturbing the other patrons." I've stumbled around an adult bookstore with my pants inside out after fooling around with my ex-husband. I went on a date once and let the guy show me around an adult video booth place as I maneuvered my way around wadded up tissue. I've been to strip clubs, watched porn (even "environmental" porn) and even shot a banana out of my coo! Yes! You heard me, a ba-na-na! I'm not ashamed! Okay, well that was an accident, but it's a great story actually. But you get the gist? Why am I so grossed out that some multiple partner sex act has become so common that it has it's own definition?
I read on to see the second definition that came with "teradactyl."
2. teradactyl
Teradactyl: a sex manuever in which, right before the male ejaculates, he brings the blanket over his shoulders and flaps his "wings" against the female.
"Frank was insane last night, he brought that girl in his room and gave her a terradactyl!"
This sent me into hysterics. This does not disgust me at all, in fact I can't stop laughing at this. I'm back! Woo-hoo no prude! Seriously though, who does this? Please, tell me if you've ever done this before. I just...I mean....how does this happen in the first place? Is he having frigid, cold sex instead of hot and sweaty sex, so he needs a blanket to wrap around his arms? Then in the midst of trying to warm his ice-cold arms while receiving head, is he attacked by fruit flies? They're surrounding his arms now! Maybe they're cold too and just want in the blanket? Frigid boy can't have dirty flies touching him...just dirty sex! So he swats at them, clinging to his blanket because despite the fact he's being sucked off, his first priority is staying warm! The swatting isn't working now and the number of fruit flies are growing, as is his need to blow AND stay warm. So he flaps his arms. He flaps and he flaps and he flaps, and then he splats?
I really don't get this, but trust me, you...I'm going to be freaking out some poor guy in the future.
"So while I do this, would you mind wearing a blanket? Uh-huh, yeah good like that. Now....can you flap your arms? No, not like some little bird, you sissy! BIG flaps...like an eagle! Good. Very good. Now...uh, can you make some dinosaur noises? No. No. No! THAT is a Tyrannosaurs! Do you think those guys could fly with their little arms? NO! Flapping? Dinosaur? Yes sweetie, a pterodactyl. Now I'm a brontosaurus looking for limb of leaves..."
