DAY 1 - SUNDAY
The Island Crew has been transported to their trailer in High Point, NC. All are blindfolded and exhausted from their trip from California. Footsteps approach the trailer and the door swings open.
Voice: Yeeeeee-Hahhhhhh! Y'all can take off your blindfolds now.
The group removes their blindfolds and gasp! There before them stands Kenny Rogers.
Kenny: Hey Isle crew. I'm Kenny Rogers, and I'm going to be your host for The Real Surreal Survivor: High Point!
Mary Ann: Oh goody! This is more my style! Maybe I can ride a tractor again?
Thurston: Egads! Where, may I ask, is this "High Point"?
Skipper: (Scoffing) Well Mr. Howell, it happens to be the furniture capital of the world! Amongst the many poor people are many rich people! I'd think YOU would know that.
Professor: And if I might add in my two cents Skipper, it also neighbors Greensboro, which was ranked the worst place to live if you have allergies.
Lovey: Aaaaaa-choo! Oh Thurston....you know this won't be good for my hayfever.
Thurston: There. There. You'll be just fine Lovey. We'll pay some hillbilly to find you some Claritin.
Kenny: Actually, you're not allowed to have any outside contact unless we bring them to you.
Thurston: (Pointing to the cameraman) Well then you, fine sir! I'll pay you $1,000 to buy my dear wife some Claritin.
Kenny: (Glaring at Thurston) You're not allowed to talk to the cameraman. And you're money's no good here, just like on the island! And if you try, you'll be gambling your chances here. (Chuckles) Get it? Gambling?
Gilligan: Gee Mr. Rogers....
Kenny: That's Kenny. I don't like being called "Mr. Rogers."
Gilligan: Gee Kenny, why won't your eyes shut all the way?
Ginger: That...usually happens...when you....have...too much...plastic surgery on your eyes. Ooooooooo...
Kenny: Okay! Enough damn it! We need to get on with the show. This is a paying gig and I've got lots of alimony on my shoulders. We need to get on with this.
The group quiets down.
Kenny: As you will see, you all will be living in this trailer.
Lovey: Oh Thurston! This is the size of my closet! I can't do this! Do you SMELL that? It smells like...what is that smell?
Skipper: It's nature Mrs. Howell.
Thurston: NATURE? But Lovey is allergic to nature! (Grabs a tissue and hands it to Lovey.)
Lovey: Aaaaaa-choo!
Kenny: ANYWAYS....y'all will be living in this trailer for the next week. Starting tomorrow, you will have a challenge each day. The winner of that challenge will have immunity from the evening's tribal council. Each night at tribal council, you will vote off the member that you think deserves to go home. At the end of the week, one will remain and you will win great treasures beyond your wildest dreams!
Mary Ann: Oh goody! I could use that money to start my own farm!
Ginger: I could...PAY someone...to put me in their movie...rather than sleeping...my way to the top again! Ooooooo.
Professor: Wow! I could start my own lab!
Thurston: (Rubbing his hands together) I could have more money!
Lovey: WE could have more money!
Skipper: (Doing a little jig) I could buy a new boat!
Gilligan: I could buy all the coconuts in the world!!!
Everyone stares at Gilligan.
Gilligan: (Looking glum) I miss coconuts.
Kenny: You never know! You'll have to compete and see for yourselves. Now take a look around your new home!
The group gets up and finds they are quite cramped in the living area. Crammed together they explore the trailer. The kitchen table at the far end of the trailer also folds out into a double bed. Ginger and Mary Ann agree to sleep here since they are the smallest. The group then passes through the kitchen area, complaining about what appears to be 3/4 of a refrigerator. They proceed to the living area where a beat-up couch sits. The Professor says he'll sleep there and hops down on it only to have a cloud of dust fly up.
Lovey: Aaaaaa-choo!
Thurston: There. There. We'll find you some Claritin if I have to go AWOL and get you some.
The group finds the single bathroom and all protest to the cramped bathroom with a miniature tub/shower.
Kenny: Actually, not only is that the bathroom, but it's the Confessional Room! If you need to bitch, that's where you have to go. There's a camera right across from the toilet, so you can just cop a squat and vent....literally. Don't worry though. If you're poopin' we will just fast forward through that part (winks at the camera).
Skipper: (Turning red) It's so small! How the hell am I supposed to shower in there? And that toilet? I can't sit on that toilet!
Kenny: Well, you know what they say..."You gotta know when to hold em'...."
The Skipper takes off his cap and smacks Kenny Rogers.
Kenny: My eyes! Watch out for my eyes! The skin's so tight and sensitive!
The group exits the bathroom grumbling and proceeds to the tiny bedroom off to the right. Inside is a bunk bed and a single dresser. Gilligan and Skipper claim this room since it's equivalent to their sleeping arrangements back on the island. The group then exits and goes to the room at the end of the hall where the Master bedroom is located. The room contains a double bed, a closet and a wall full of porn.
Thurston: Egads, Lovey! Look at this filth!
Lovey: (Reaching under the pillow and pulling out a vibrator) Look Thurston! Somebody left their electric toothbrush here!
Lovey turns on the vibrator and everyone starts looking for the "toothbrush" head. All except Ginger and the Professor. Ginger winks at him and the Professor clasps his hands together, letting them hang conveniently over his crotch.
Kenny: (Walking up behind them) I see you found some things leftover by the previous tenants. Heh-heh-heh. Perfect room for an old couple looking for some spice.
Lovey: (Looking confused) But the spice is in the Kitchen!
Thurston: (Wrapping his arm around her) Indeed it is, Lovey. Indeed it is.
Kenny: (Motioning for all to follow him) I'm heading back to the Ramada for the night while you all get acquainted with your new surroundings. There's a pantry next to the fridge full of food and booze. Have a party! Celebrate! Y'all are about to embark on an exciting new adventure. I'm sure everyone will do just fine though. I mean Hell, y'all survived on a deserted island for years...how hard can this be?
Professor: Well, I know I'm already finding it hard.
Stay tuned for the remainder of Day 1 of Gilligan's Trailer - The Party
