One of my favorite superhero duos of all time is the Wonder Twins. You all remember that? It's a brother and sister and their pet space monkey, Gleek. The girl can turn into any animal - real, mythical or from another planet. The boy can turn into anything with water in it, vapor, ice, water, weather patterns, etc. ANYTHING with water in it. Anyways, this is how they would fight evil - as animal and water form. They were awesome and I love them. I want to be the girl Wonder Twin!
So years back, my friend Isaac and I decide we were the real Wonder Twins, possibly separated at birth. Total opposites who work together to fight crime. In our lives it's typically to gross out people and make them laugh. I'm sure you can fight crime this way. We often have conversations that revert back to our Wonder Twin-ness. Today was one of those days. This has been going on all day, and as I wrote my last response to our chain of email I thought, "Do other people have this kind of conversation when they're sober?" See for yourself.
It all started with having the same answer for some survey question...
ME: Dude, you are SO my Wonder Twin! I said I'd make an omelet with the dinosaur egg too! Now if we can only find Gleek.
ISAAC: yes where on earth will we find a gleek! Where indeed. I saw your omelet reply. Sometimes you just need to be reassured that there is someone else as nutty as you. It's nice to have a wonder twin says I.
ME: I know. It's reassuring. And I'm glad I have a Wonder Twin. I just decided that when I die, I want a tombstone (even though I want to be cremated) and I want it to read, "Wonder Twin powers activate! Form of a zombie!" And that will freak out all the local kids.
ISAAC: ahaha i can get behind that idea!
ME: Wouldn't that be the greatest headstone EVER?
ISAAC: i think so yes!! so great maybe I'd do it too!
ME: You would have to take on a liquid form - like zombie piss, or an ice dildo.
ISAAC: why do i have to be the liquid wonder twin?
ME: You don't have to be, but I called the zombie first. It's like calling shotgun, but it's for death purposes instead of a car ride. We have to stay consistent with their noted powers! Pre-death I will gladly stay liquid. However, now that I think about it, the boy WAS the liquid twin.
ISAAC: he was? Man... Okay I can work with that. We can roll with that. As long as occasionally I can turn into HOT LIQUID M-A-G-M-A
ME: You didn't know that? Okay, I found this to help you out. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wonder_Twins
You can be ANY form of water, including Jell-O and probably Slimfast. It also says weather patterns. There's got to be a piece of water in magma, right? You just need a little bit to be magma.
ISAAC: okay, I can deal with turning into a 5 foot 8 inch 200lb monsoon. that's kinda cool.
ME: And Jell-O! Don't forget that. It'd be like the old movie "The Blob." And diarrhea. You can be diarrhea.
ISAAC: hahaha gross. you could turn into an elephant, and I could turn to diarrhea and you could spit me out at enemies with your trunk.
HEATHER: OH! And the cool thing is that the girl twin still talks, even as animals! And the boy twin's face is in all liquids. So here's the scenario....
Inspector Gadget has gone bad. We learned this from Secret Squirrel because, well...he couldn't keep a secret. He rats out Inspector Gadget as selling the League of Justice's secrets to the Cartoon Network. Our monkey, Gleek has tracked down Inspector Gadget. We do our "Wonder Twin powers ACTIVATE!"
I yell, "Form of an elephant!"
You yell, "Form of diarrhea!"
We turn into these things. Instead of spitting diarrhea, I sit on you, and you crawl up my ass. I then charge at Inspector Gadget who is now running from us.
I yell, "Go-go Gadget diarrhea!" I turn around and blow you out. Your face is in the diarrhea, smiling (he's always smiling in his liquid forms). You splat all over Inspector Gadget and he screams and slips.
Now covered in Wonder Twin poo, he tries to get up, but Gleek trips him with his long tail and I run over and sit on him. You diarrhea slide off of Gadget and yell, "Good going, sis!" Then we elephant/diarrhea high-five.
Okay, I think I'm really bored and my mind is taking over.
