In the blink of an eye your life can change. It doesn't have to be some traumatic experience. It can be as simple as missing your exit. I know this. I've lived it simple and extreme. And here I sit with life changing in a matter of hours as of last Sunday. For those that don't know, I'm no longer moving to Boston.
It started last weekend as I reviewed my savings and what it would take to get up to Boston and into massage therapy school, which I was enrolled to start on April 14th. I'd been planning this for a while, but with expenses and the short amount of time to get rent deposits, a way to move my stuff up there, find a job (which I'd been having no luck at), and be okay financially, it was not looking good. On Sunday I had a panic attack at work and realized there was no way I could make this happen in the amount of time I had. I considered postponing school for a while and moving up there later. However the thought of a full-time job and part-time school, and still having time for studies, homework, and getting back into the groove of going to school, the whole idea became quite daunting.
Long story short, I realize I want to go to school full-time, and I want to not live in a homeless shelter. I go to hang out at my sister's after work with my mom, and my dad who is in town. I present an option of possibly staying with my mom and going to massage school an hour away here. It's pointed out I've given my notice at both jobs, and at my apartment, and I'd be blowing a ton of money on my commute. Then my dad presents an opportunity for me I couldn't turn down. Move back to Seattle. He will take care of my move and I am to move back into the bottom half of his house, work full-time 6-9 months and save, save, save. He will help out with that and then I can go to school full-time after my working stint and live off my savings. It's quite an amazing opportunity. I also already have a job lined up (thank you Monica)! Everything has fallen into place...now to find a home for the cats (which has been in progress for a month now).
Now, I will fully admit that at 35 I'm not proud that I couldn't make this work on my own, but I plan on this being the last time I accept this kind of assistance in my life plan. And I have to say that there is a part of me that is looking at this as not only an opportunity to go to school, start a new career, and have a job conducive to my gypsy wants, but also as an opportunity to heal my relationship with my father. It's been bitter and bad for a very long time, much of it having to do with me holding a grudge for years and years. After the Christmas intervention about this, I have wanted things to change. And I think this could be a great opportunity to do so. I also need to learn how to be happy back home. There are so many wonderful people and things back there, and in all honesty, I had a really good life back there in general. However, to me it was never enough. I need to make it okay for the present moment while still keeping my goals for my future. I know I'll leave Seattle after I'm done with school unless something big happens to keep me there, but I'm hoping it doesn't so I can go on to the next adventure. I will make this work. I will make this good.
So here I sit about to go to bed, only to wake up to the beginning of much packing and purging. I leave March 28th for my fourth cross-country drive. I was SO sad to not have Boston work out. I had so many plans; so many adventures. I LOVE what I know of that city, and I love the people I have there. I spent the first few days crying over this. I didn't even have the balls to make the phone calls to those people, but simply emailed them (I'm so sorry) because I knew I couldn't keep it together enough to tell them. But there will always be Boston, and it just might be waiting for me at some point. Or maybe Costa Rica is calling louder? Who knows. But with this opportunity, it brings many more. And with this opportunity, I also know I'm going home to much love and support to kick my ass through this door of life.
Now let's root for no tornadoes this time around.
