First, let me say that what is about to follow is by no means meant to speak ill of the dead. It's just weird to me that all these 80's icons are dying young or younger than average. Seriously, I mean in the last year we lost Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, John Hughes, Boner from Growing Pains, and now Cory Haim. Some were "natural" causes (cancer and heart attack if you count either of those as truly "natural"), suicide, and "accidental" overdoses. It's kind of creepy to me!
ME: They just announced Cory Haim died of an overdose!!!
BRANDY: I heard that’s crazy
ME: It's like Final Destination 80's style. Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Boner from Growing Pains, Cory Haim.
BRANDY: Never saw that movie.
ME: People avoid their destined death and death is pissed and comes after them one by one. Death is taking back the 80's.
BRANDY: Is this the 1st celeb or 2nd? It happens in 3s. Nevermind, he may be the 3rd. Boner from Growing pains, the guy from Sparklehorse, and now Haim.
ME: I forgot about Sparklehorse guy. I'm seriously wondering if he won't count though. The Grim Reaper seems to be pissed at 80's actors.
BRANDY: LOL’ing at work because Death is taking back the 80’s.
ME: I think one of two things.
1) Death was a big fan of the 80's and wants them all to himself. He's collecting movie stars, TV stars and musicians. He's going to make them perform scenes from Charlie’s Angels, Growing Pains and License to Drive, all while Michael Jackson is singing Billie Jean in the background.
2) Death is PISSED at the 80's. He's taking them down one by one and making sure they can't have any comebacks like they tried. OH! Let's not forget John Hughes was 80's too! I wonder if Death wrote some screenplay, song or TV pilot or maybe ALL and none were ever picked up so he is taking back what he thinks is rightfully his!
Who will be next? It's totally going to be one of The Brat Pack, I bet. After seeing Judd Nelson at the Oscars, I almost wonder if he'll be next to go? That man is starting to like Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday in Tombstone! Actually, I'm going to place my bets on Gary Colemen. He's not been doing too well and has always had health problems. Plus he seems to have quite the volatile marriage, so is health doesn't get him, his wife just might.
The more I think about it, the more I'm actually convinced all this is the resurrection of 80's fashion. Seriously, the shit should have died as soon as the 80's was over. I remember many years ago discussing with friends that of all eras of fashion that should be dead and buried the 80's was the one that had to never come back for the sake of mankind. Alas, it did though, at least in certain ways. I'm seeing frickin' shoulder pads in fashion shows now! A lot of the tops from back then have been in for a while now, and leggings...dear god. Eylin and I have had this conversation so many times. If you are wearing them under a dress or oversized clothing, then fine. However, LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS! Do NOT wear them with a shirt that doesn't at least come to your mid-thigh. No matter how hot or skinny you are, you look like shit in your leggings when we have to see your ass and thighs. Leggings are just not flattering.
In all of this, I get what has happened. Basically what we're dealing with is this - by resurrecting 80's fashion, we have awakened Death. He is PISSED because like my statement earlier, the 80's were to be dead and buried. The dumbass who had the balls to bring back leggings and drawstring shirts is responsible for this! Didn't you people every see Jumanji? There are REASONS why the game was buried in an attic or in the sand...bring it back to life and you're playing with fire. And that's what has happened here. 80's fashion has been brought back from the dead and wasn't supposed to. Death is therefore taking back the 80's. He can't claim clothes since they're just objects. Instead he is taking LIVES. Seriously, people LIVES. It's like when Buffy was brought back from the dead because they were scared she was in Hell, but she was really in Heaven and happy. Her life resurrected was horrible compared to what she'd had in Heaven. Dear fashion designers, you are Willow, Xander and the crew resurrecting Buffy (the 80's). The 80's were happy being dead!!! They were having their own dance party in Heaven, all aglow in neon glory! Now you had to bring them back and Death has been angered and is taking people of the entertainment industry who were famous in the 80's! Stop the fashion, take back lives.
Death, just take the clothes and leave the people, okay? Oh, and uh...leave the music for me, please.
