The smoking ban becomes effective in Seattle on Thursday, December 8th. I have no problem with not smoking inside restaurants at all, the thought of not drinking and smoking is difficult to swallow, but good incentive not to die on your lung as you hack it up the next morning realizing you not only finished the entire pack you brought with you, but spent $10 on another pack purchased from the bar and now have two remaining cigarettes. What I'm having an issue with is not being able to smoke within 25 feet of a doorway or air vent.
This severely narrows down your options on where to smoke in downtown Seattle. When this first passed I had visions of hordes of smokers standing in the middle of the road on 1st Ave trying to avoid the cars rushing at them. Throw in the fact that they are trashed, and it will be a debate over whether or not it was mass suicide or innocent victims trying to obey the law.
Now, they say it's okay to break the 25-foot rule if you are "moving". Moving? I mean for God's sakes it rains all the fucking time here! We should be able to stay dry while we destroy our lungs! Plus doesn't walking while you smoke most likely affect more people than if you're standing outside under an awning or shop front? I definitely know that I will most likely come across the paths of 5-15 people on a QUIET evening within a one-block radius in downtown. However some of them walk way slower than I do. If I stand in a doorway I will most likely only encounter 2-3 people who walk by if I stand still! Seems like a secret way to actually spread MORE second-hand smoke.
I have to wonder what defines "moving"? Can I stand under an awning next to a doorway and smoke so long as I shake a leg or do the YMCA with my arms? What if we do the hand-jive from Grease? Or the Can-Can? So long as our cigarettes breaks are choreographed, are we safe from the arm of the law?
"But officer! Didn't you see I was doing the hokey-pokey while I smoked? Then I turn myself around and you're ticketing me? Is that what it's all about?" Clap. Clap.
Now, this has been a big topic of conversation amongst my friends since this initiative passed. It's been an even bigger topic of conversation amongst the smokers that hang out in the loading dock and freeze our asses off.
"Heard we can't smoke in front of the building once it all starts," muttered a young, healthy-looking man in between drags. "Going to be forced to come down the loading dock."
This is fine, I can deal with this. Yes it's colder than prude woman, but they put in heat lamps that at least warm up a follicle or two. Yes, it often reeks of garbage being that it's right next to the dumpster, but I can get through that seeing that no odor except for poop, vomit, and soupy B.O. can penetrate this allergy-ridden nose. Then the news came tonight.
"Hey you two!" Called my friend/coworker who is the liaison between our company and the building management. "You two need to know that Martin is removing the ashtrays from the smoking area next week."
WHAT??? Panic. Shear panic is coursing through me. My other part-time smoking friend and I interrogate her and find that to the best of her knowledge, they are indeed getting rid of the smoking area. Where will I go? What will I do? I mean, I want to desperately, desperately quit and I have tried numerous times. And yes, I know it takes an average of 8 times to quit before it sticks, but I usually quit 8 times on an annual basis, so please don't throw that at me for encouragement.
Yes, I want to not stink! I want to have my lungs back! I want to not be winded climbing the stairs or wiping my butt. I want to save money from smoking, though I always end blowing it at Hollywood Video renting hordes of movies while I lock myself in my room crying because I feel psycho whenever I quit. However I also don't want to gain weight. I mean I can't take any more! I was down to my lowest weight besides junior high last winter, then my short-term relationship ended and I gained weight. I don't think it was an emotional eating thing however, it was simply because my friends used to refer to the guy I was dating as Geno's Pizza Rolls, and then when he broke up with me I started craving pizza rolls.
I then had the two months where I had my damned period for three weeks, then had a break for two, and then had it again for two weeks. This blew me up even more. Some of the weight has come off, but my pants hurts and I cry for my sweats and pj's already. Why do I want to ruin the possibility of losing weight by quitting before I lose it? Oh the trauma!!!
I'm freaking out inside! I know I need to quit, want to quit, but want skinniness first. I want this to be my choice, not the fucking government's? And why won't they pay for my Zyban or lozenges or patches, or anything else that can assist me in quitting? In eight days I can't smoke when I go out or am at work unless I go for a jog with my cigarette so I'm "moving"? I swear they're trying to off a bunch of the unhealthy, unwanted Seattleites by telling them to go for a walk while they smoke. There will be bodies collapsing everywhere! Alterna kids in puddles of black hair dye will be gasping for air on the sidewalks like guppies out of water. It will be chaos!
It's carcinogens! It's madness! It's carcinogen madness!
P.S. This fucking blog is posting "relevant" topics per my Chronicles and it's all: "Fart Machine", "How To Get a Boyfriend, "Get Your Boyfriend Back". I love that the damned book suggestion line makes me want to slit my throat!
