I have had many things in life inspire me. In fact, I think there's usually something that inspires me each day even if it's something as miniscule as being called on my shit and bringing about awareness, or seeing a child enjoy the magic of a plain, cardboard box. When you open your eyes, there's beauty and awe all around. It's easy for me to see this in others, but difficult to see this within myself.
Outside of the generalities of life, people, love, friends and family, I am one to be truly inspired by books, music and especially movies. There are many movies that I have loved, but few have impacted my heart so strongly as what I saw today. Three coworkers and I went to see "Brokeback Mountain" tonight. I cried so hard! Pretty much the last hour was me sniffing and tears pouring down my face. It was beautiful, tragic, heartwrenching and for me, inspiring.
"Oh the gay cowboy movie," everyone keeps saying.
Pshaw! I mean, we all know I have no problems with that in the first place, but gender is a non-issue in this film. It's just two people who love each other and whose lives are haunted by what they turn away from to do what they think is right. My head was spinning after I left and I continued to cry. I was thinking about my life the entire time watching it. Thinking of love and possibilities that I either walked away from or was too scared to give a shot. What would my life be like had I acted or not run away, or not cared what people think? Would I be happier? Would I have an amazing love with a man that I couldn't imagine? Then I realized it doesn't matter what could've been. What matters is that I do not shut myself off to possibilities and let fear or the thought of fitting into a certain mold of what's right, control my decisions. I never want to hurt anyone, I am not that kind of person. However, something tonight just stirred up that passion of following where the wind takes me, or who it takes me to, and to not be afraid.
I never want to look back and see I've lost 20 years because I just sat back and waited and tried to figure out my head, rather than live with my heart. Maybe if we all did the same, the world might come together a little better.
Love to all,
Heather
